Tuesday, August 22, 2006

hariku dah harimu wow!

ok technically i should be burying myself into gears assignments. but i just have to take a break, my brain is so jammed and i am now left with no proper drawing instruments to continue building my gears. "building gears", hmm trust me, it's not cool as what it may sound to be hahaa.

so anyway, it's now 5.30 am. i'm gonna stay awake till 9 morn, thx to jaih's suggestion of pure long black coffee wheww. last night was a good night. i had all my fav ppl in sydney in my house, and all of us were busy doing the MGM preparation. nothing with big significance actually happens, but it was just an atmosphere to look forward to haha.
we managed to make our pantomime performance even better, with more new ideas and we had kinda finalise it. feels good to know that. and last night i discovered that i'm a pretty much good kompang player haha. haram main melalu je senang ah kan. and i really think mun and keano did a good job with the MGM preparation. two thumbs up guys!

and umno trip to brisbane was soooo good! i'm just gonna call it a "makan trip". we had soooo many expensive and delicious meals thruout the 4 days, and all paid for hahaa. cool gile man. and i'm sure i have more flesh to be toned up now. the best part was harbour town, where i got a 50% off wallabies jersey, which i had been longing for since last semester. and also, the new peopl that i met. mmg cool ah sume org hahaa. i planned to include some pics here, but i haven't transfered the pics yet. so i'll do that later hahaa.

anyway, about last night...i got fooled by my devil again. babi sial. a devil which i personally call "my illusions". damn the devil's online. just for clearer situation, it's just one of those few times when you thought you were doing something right, and you thought you were having fun with your illusions, and you're pretty sure nothing could go wrong, and you felt so brave and you knew that the ending's gonna be good. but then it snapped! you were told by your conscience that it was actually all wrong, and you were actually making fool outta yourself. and all of sudden, you felt soo embarrased, and you just dont wanna meet the illusions again.

shoot i'm not making much sense here. perhaps i'm just thoughtless for the past few days, and this blog is just crazy, as if i'm just talking to my ownself. yeah this is what i pretty much have inside ths head. now they know.

i've been listening to "Kita" by Sheila On 7 now, for the prolly the 100th time. the song is just so calm, the state of mind i wanna be in now. and also thirsty merc's "Emancipate Myself". and "Insomnia" by electric president makes me homesick siallll!

ok. now kene subuh. and tmrw gotta prepare my resume, for another job interview, which i bet i will stumble on. and tunggu kazar bangun pagi, so he can help me with my gears!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A Solitude

i don't feel alright
in spite of this comforting
sound you make
i don't feel alright
because you made promises
that you break
into your heart
why not we share...
that's a perfect lyric huh? well, i thought so. it's kinda early at the mo (hey it's 8.20 am on a sat morn!), and as far as i am aware, things that i am supposed to accomplish today, which includes breakfast, starts at 9. so what the heck, it's blogging time!
well, normally i like to blog on what i think about, or ponder on. more of thoughts, not so much of routines. but for this particular post, i plan to actually write down what i did and encountered for the past 24 or hours or so. this post, hence, should appear more relaxed. i hope so, at least.
first off, i had a really amazing study session on friday. haha. i finished reading 3 chapters of thermodynamics text, with full concentration for 2 hours! hows that! well it's an achievement for me at least, as i suffer some really severe concentration disorder haha. after that i felt intelligent and bright, and i began to start looking at everything in terms of heat transfer and energy losses. poyo gak ah. and hui lyn made my day even better, she purchased 9 dance party tickets from me. well, at least the SUAMS committee now know that i'm not that hopeless in selling away tickets hahha. wow!
at night, a few people came to my house. nik, dirah, rahman and joe spent almost the whole night working out stuff for their music band. i mean, they're performing on MGM soon, so best of luck! and i'm utterly delightful to know that yamud's gonna display his flute skill that night too. and he's gonna be the emcee with yaya. wow, looks like "our people" conquer habis nih haha. next on list, we had some poker card game. royal. and damn it, i've been playing with different rules all these while. dirah and rahman and mohaz came out with sooo many mind-boggling new rules, which makes me confuse. but i won one game anyway. thanx to the 2 spade hahaha.and rahman and dirah who were so busy teaching joe and i how to play didn't end up winning any game hahaha. sorry guys!
later that night, i gave falah a call, and he was with feedo, so i was able to talk to the both of them. perfect. two person in one credit span haha. i must say this, it was a very lawak and fulfillling conversation haha. i mean, everytime i call one of my close friends back in malaysia, i will start realising how much i actually miss them. sigh. my high school close friends, especially redzuan, falah, feedo, cken, feedo, komet, irwan, rgen, puyo, moja, jubeng, mars, amy, nad and palin. i mean seriously, i've been missing the crazed9903 eversince we left school, and now that i hang out more with my college and uni friedns and my cousins, i don't really get to see them often. we're like siblings i can tell. how lucky i am to be one of it. which explains why i'm so happy to know a lot of my batchmates are now studying in sydney. cool. at least i'm guaranteed to be close to the crazed in sydney until we grow really old and full of wrinkles haha.
next, i went back to the alpha house, with anept, jaih, rahman and syahmi. like last semester, we intended on having the usual indoor bachelor night, but damn we ended up watching gol and gincu. hahahah. sungguh x macho. and again, i fell asleep midway. my first gol and gincu marathon wat at yani's, and we had it with the rest of the "sydney gang" haha. but i fell asleep too. haiyakkk. but yes ppl! one good news! i don't really wanna make this public, but we're gonna get a raise in terms of allowance! AUD 1600 per month for pet ppl i heard! weeeheeeee!!
meaning i should start saving now, coz feedo and falah and i had planned on a 30-days EUROPE TRIP next aussie winter haha. maybe i shudn't make that statement, kalo x jadi poyo je hahaha. but that's fine. i mean it's just a blog. or if we can't come up with such plans, i might as well follow my sydney friends je, for our annual trip haha, which might be nz. wow. cakap lebat sial hahaha.
aight, it's almost 9. gotta catch breakfast now! and today will be thermo text again, laundry, and calling up the people performing for our pantomime, as we're practising at my place today. cool huh. and i wanna make the pantomime as the most happening ever performance on that MGM thing! and hopefully keano, erin, roy and i can start with our golf tomorrow hhaha.
looking forward to brisbane. alhamdulillah. loving life!
and people, try "comforting sound" by mew. sangattt sedappppp. and yes, remind me to blog about our u film festival movie making! challosssz!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

a malfunction brain

the title pretty much tells a lot. sigh. today was pretty ok. i finally managed to attend math! but i've been missing from almost 8 math lectures, so whatever the underdressed old lecturer said sounds all greek to me. i mean, i wished he would say stuff like "we can't inhabitate saturn coz there's no oxygen" or "gold was the reason melbourne became rich" or "paris is the capital of france" or yada yada yada. or something similarly and reasonably logical to me, at least. but by the end of the lecture, i have a paralysed brain to deal with. PERFECT!

I finally finished fluid ASSignment. another proof on how lousy my brain is. probably God gave me a second-hand one. i couldn't understand even the simplest of logic, or if i did, i took 3 times longer. and i end up copying kazar's work. gile man rase moral down tahap dewa. seriously, when i know that i somehow suck in all these academically related stuff, i feel shitty. take that! the colour of shit!

and today i had a really cool "bonding session" with anwar, yus and alan. we pretty much talked crap and nothing of importance, but it was ok. i felt connected. and inspired too. well if you know muhammad, one thing he likes, is to be connected to people. and i think, that's what i do best hahahha! cut!! it's a wrap!

Ku Katakan Dengan Indah, by Peterpan. when are you guys coming to sydney hah?! and owh yes. i gotta start memorizing Dashboard Confessionals songs now! the concert is like in 20 days!

Monday, August 14, 2006

pretty little picture

"To live in fear is not to live at all. I wish I could tell this to those I care about in my life. But would it do any good? Probably not. And I understand now. There will always be those who face their fears and there will always be those who run away. The choice is ours, which path would you want to take?"
Tonight was okay. I've been longing to find a night where I could call it a 'pretty little picture'. And I did. It is tonight. We had a really good time at Keano's house-warming party. The food was really good, two thumbs up to the kithcen people. And thanks for constantly making the food 'visible' within the dining table. And the crowd was fine too. I'm sure everybody had a good time, and I did, at least. At some point during that night, I was so loud at the balcony. I mean, that's just me. But at some other points, I would find myself heading inside, not knowing what to do, and just sat quietly on the dinng chairs. And then, I noticed on how some people acts and thinks based on the consensus they have upon their 'heroes'. The presence of a 'hero' makes us happy.
Everyone in their life, they are searching for something, or rather someone. We are searching for someone that will provide us with what's missing in our lives. Be it companionship, or security, or assistance, or anything. And at least from my point of view, everybody in the living room of Keano's house at that particular moment, has at least someone whom provides them with the things I mentioned above. And I would like to refer these as the people and their heroes. And if we were to think back, people have their heroes and value them for a lot of distinct reasons. For example, if you feel bored, you'd subconsciously go to a particular person or a group to seek 'refugee' from and make you feel happy again. This person or groups are your heroes. Or, you might need someone whom you can comfortably talk to and disclose your vulnerabilities and insecurities, in search of a relief. This particular person is your hero. Or, you might just need someone whom can give you that 'push' you need and 'lift' you to a certain human behaviour, so that you can be more socially adapt and acceptable. This person is your hero. We honour our heroes for their friendships, patience, intelligence or just because they simply care. And without us noticing, sometimes, other people look at us as their heroes. And this is the point that matters; we all have fears and doubts. These heroes are the one that constantly remind us to look on the bright side of everything and sometimes, the grass is greener on our side. And the presence of a hero makes us happy indeed. We may have a whole of people surrounding us, but without these special few heroes things aren't just the same. The world is somehow less friendly. This comes back to a footprint on how weak we are, as slaves of The Almighty; we all dreamt to be rescued at some point of our life, and this is where the tendency to search for a hero comes.
Imagine someone or angels from up there took a picture of all of us that night, doing whatever we were doing at some particular point; and the picture will show the interactions and inter-dependence between us and our heroes. Whoever that hero could be. And that, is the pretty little picture.
Since I Told You It's Over by Stereophonics. How did you do it hah, the song writer? You've touched someone's heart. Not brutally, but rather firmly.
ps: i'll include some pictures soon =)

Friday, August 11, 2006

...smile lines...

when i was convinced it had a beginning...

and i'm sure it does!

I've been reading yaya's post about our Lambaian project for a lot of times, I just can't put it down. It's amazingly original and artistic, combination of traits that I admire, just to state a few. So now, I've been thinking of doing some Lambaian dedication in my blog too haha. But hopefully I can come out with something different and unique. Also, if I have the time lah haha. Assignments byk gile man!

that thang that twirl in your fingers. or my fingers

A blog. A free world. I can express anything I wish to; my ideas, my thoughts, my preferences, my responds. Elements within the soul of Muhammad...

I can say that I've had a really rough days, for the past one week to be more precise. I was scared and traumatized. I hate to know that some events are happening soon, events which I have wasted a lot of my energy and time on. Events that I really want to forget about and get done with. My migraine has been a constant problem now. It attacks me a lot of times in one day. And when it did, I could barely walk, or think and all I have in my head is my bed. It's bad, agonizing. The doctor said it's just a normal migraine (how normal is normal?) and it will wear off soon. But I guess it's the effect of having sooo many things inside my head. Things I can't think about, and should not think about. I don't wanna call it a drama, this is real and a drama is not real.

But today has been different. I made a phone call to my mother 2 days ago, and she pretty much saved me in a lot of sense, as usual. Of course, you can't compare the comfort and assurance and warmth provided by your mother. She doesn't really pester me into knowing what's going on. And I respect that. She told me to list down all the "things" that I have in my head on a piece of paper, and to strike them out with a pen, telling myself to never let it inside my mind again. It's a pre-school thing, but it worked for me and my mind. And for that i thank her and God. Of course everyone has a special place in their heart for their parents, but is that "place" always within our remembrance? Always within our prayers? Always within our hopes and efforts? And suddenly it hit me. Some of my friends who has lost their parent. From whom do they seek comfort and protection from? Who will assure them all the, time that good things do happen, and you just have to be patient? Of course you can get that from a close friend/soulmate or your love partner. But to me, that is just different. Our parents, somehow they just know us inside out. We are part of them. Their flash and blood and neurons. Alhamdulillah I still have my parents in this world and they still care for me a lot. Don't take that for granted.

A blog. A free world. I can express anything I wish to; my ideas, my thoughts, my preferences, my responds. Elements within the soul of Muhammad...

About a few days ago, I had my mind on a few people I consider special. First was Ikram. At one point of time, he was my closest cousin. We had the kids' thing going on between all of us, like any other kids. He spent the December school break with my family, when later the good news came, he got 5A's for UPSR. Active, banyak perangai, macho-wannabe, and playful; just to describe him. Second was Aunty Tipah. She was an excellent company to my mother and to the rest of us. I remember the way she scolded her son sometimes. And at that time I was so thankful my mother never scold me like that. She was motherly and half the time, I thought she suffered from OCD. Last was Nadiah. I used to think that I have a heart for her. Erm. Loud and cheerful. Happy but sometimes not fulfilled. Special in her own way. And witty. Perfect. But these three people are no longer in this world. Al-Fatihah for them. Life is short.

Sometimes, you grew sick and tired of some people. You just wanna limit yourself with them, or has nothing to do with them anymore. But with the people whom you consider to share "great friendships", that is just impossible. The key is tolerance. And acceptance. Indeed, Lambaian is a priceless memory...

A blog. A free world. I can express anything i wish to; my ideas, my thoughts, my preferences, my responds. Elements within the soul of Muhammad...

Aaaahhhaaaaa. Finally, i finished my design assignments a few hours ago. And that was a huge weigh off my shoulders. Haha. An average student should take 8 hours to finish it. And i'm definitely below average (say bye bye to glory KYS days), by a margin of 0.4 over 1.0. So, I should be spending around 10 hours for this assignment. But i only consumed 6 hours, meaning I'm bound to get 12/20 for this first assignment. Don't get confused by my maths ok!

And yes, BOWLING! We had bowling tonight, under SUAMS and Sofiah and I has to be in charged of it. It was ok, and yes I choose to think it's ok. I plan a lot for it, hoping it would turn out right and organized. But HELL, it was chaotic at first! It was seriously hard to tell and remind 35 people around their 20s to start registering, and stay in the queue, and get their bowling shoes and fcuk it, everything la. I was literally running hear and there, and I pity the counter guy too. Hopefully AMF Bowling pays him a lot. I could have written this episode as "Mayhem At AMF", although the last time I recall, AMF stands for Always Mean Fun! Hahaha. And I didn't get to bowl, lacking in booked lanes haha. Luckily there's Sof and Flo, we were so busy arranging things, but we didn't get to bowl haha. Hah, you two has always been my favourites in the committee afterall. Just to close up before I left the alley, i took turn to bowl under Peter's turn, and guess what...it was a STRIKE! Hahahaha. My one and only try, and it was a strike. Perfect ending huh! Then I left early, for home straight away....

A blog. A free world. I can express anything I wish to; my ideas, my thoughts, my preferences, my responds. Elements within the soul of Muhammad...

Falah, Komet, Redzuan. Congratulations! Last forever and pray for the blessings of Allah. Nabilah and Feedo, look forward to September! And to Amy, Happy Birthday! Wani, Izni, Aliya. You 3 lucky chum haha.

I'll learn "Hands Down" tab soon. And make it perfect, please.

A blog. A free world. Beautiful. New Slang by The Shins.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

monday oh monday

ok. yikes i subconsciously tend to take blue to start off my blog. doesn't matter. haha. anyways, today was pretty shitty, i thought and pondered on a lot of stuff. or craps. major reason why migraine is so popular these days. i got up at 10 morning, and i thought i had long good sleep, but i didn't. my brain was fine and fully functional until the moment i hit the sit on my class. owh coz prolly i was fasting. or not maybe. and then errr, i pondered again on some really deep but old stuff (which i cant seem to get over with) on the way back home. but i don't remember reaching any conclusions. at night i was in fisher trying to get done with my design, but i don't accomplish anything. and now, i'll be calling it "a day". hah?!

BTW the really good news is my sister got 3A's for her A-Levels! Congratulations! sorry haven't reply your sms yet, but i'm damn proud of you nabilah, and so thankful to Allah for her. and yes, she's off to Imperial College this september! Imperial baybeh! at least she fulfilled that dream for me. smart ass eh!

other than that, owh damn i hate brown! red's better. anyway, i wanna drill this into my head. don't think too much! and stop complaining and whining! relax and be more in control hahaha!
and besok make sure ko bangun pagi g kelas math! monteng je keje mcm batak. haih. goodnite!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

it's MR A-Z!

last wednesday, i did something which makes that particular week worth living. haha. i went to watch JASON MRAZ! at The Forum, Sydney. ok as not cool as this may sound, that was actually my first concert in Sydney. damn. damn! i had a few other concerts which i planned to go before this, but the dollars luck wasn't really there. haha. miskin miskin. there were six of us. nik, erin, ezme, faisal, dewi and i. errrr.....

anyways, it turned out really well. i can definitely say i had fun and brings back some leftovers of previous events in my life to mind (or a lot of events). and i mean mraz's songs did. a friend said this kind of concert paling best if you can go with your gf/bf/partner/spouse (or whatever heck u call it). and errr, btol gak la. haha. takpe next time i'll make sure i bring someone special with me haha.

i was going to upload some of the pictures that night, but then only i realised i didnt know how. haha. takpe bdak baru nak mula blogspot what haha. hafta ask yaya later. latersss

was't you who spoke the words
that things would happen but not to me
o things are gonna happen naturally...

JasonMraz in Sydney! MRAZ at DownUnder!



owh yes. finally. muhammad has a blog. oh yes i have a lousy one before this. haha. a true definition of peer pressure. anyway i think i'm into blogging now, and lets hope this one turns right. it's a free place for me to leave some tracks on how i got things right and not so right. maybe something smart and worth reading, or something uncalled for and weird and not so normal. but natural and the only the absolute truth.

Mimpi Yang Sempurna!