Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Memories of Your Kiss

Memories are funny you know. It's one of the thing that makes you smile to yourself all of a sudden while you're driving your old Iswara alone, or makes you suddenly run faster on the treadmill when you thought the speed of 13.7 could have drained out all the energy inside you, or makes you stop in the middle of a meal because you need to browse through old phone texts just to help you to relive certain memories again. 

But most importantly, my memories have given me the urge and strength to actually carry on moving forward, and in a weird way, they sometimes propel me further than the thought of my hopes, or ambitions.

Oh, now you know why I found it to be so hard to delete phone texts.

I once read that memories are one's only paradise in this world. The kind of paradise where one can never be kicked out from. That's real deep. Try reading the quote with the song 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson, and you might as well be on your way dialing me for crying tissues.

But the truth is, I seldom know on how lucky and great my life at any given moments are. I only start appreciating them after they've turned into memories. Sometimes when I'm having my time alone, and I remembered all the nice things I've encountered, I feel like a certain pain is surging my chest, and it's a feeling that mixes both pain and contentment. But overall, it's a good feeling and I want to experience that often. But I'm forgetting more and more pretty moments in my life, and that scares the hell out of me. 

Sometimes, among the stuff that can really take your breath away is simply a memory of a seemingly ordinary event in the past. Then you started recalling it in a deeper sense, and that's when you realize that some unseen forces have just plucked the beat in your heart, and that is when your breath is taken away.

Wow 10 points to me for rambling, and yeah 10 points for you if you understood me.

To the people who has always been with me throughout my life, or at a specific point in my life, trust me, you are forever thanked an cherished. I know it is virtually impossible to keep in touch with everyone I've met, but it is certainly possible to at least keep you in my memories. Because you are all worth it.

Signing out.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Wanna Grow Old With You

I've actually forgotten that I own a blog, until I saw the word "Bygones" in a song lyric, and I went like, "Hey! I used to write in that!" (???).

Since i'll probably forget for another 5 months about the existence of this piece of skinny little thing, might as well I list down what has happened to me for the past 6-7 months, just so that friends could keep track with me and not removing me from their facebook friends' list. Hello friend!

1. I worked in Doha, and resigned. With no contributions, I still scraped one hell of a good pay slip.
2. Joined Petronas Induction, PIPE and it became the highlight of this year. My highlights are never real, so just ignore this point.
3. Moved to Miri and officially became a Malaysian workforce at PETRONAS Carigali Sarawak Operations.
4. Bought a used car (not telling you what model, MUNGKIN sebab malu), and rented a four-bedroom double storey terrace house with 3 other housemates.
5. Have been receiving 4 pay slips so far. But since I was obligated to give duit raya this year, make it 3 payslips lah.
6. Bought a 15.4 inch-screen MacBook Pro!
7. Bought an iPod Touch.
8. Got a new semi SLR camera, Canon G10 (Hey don't hate me yet).
9. Climbed to the summit of Mt Kinabalu (4095m above sea level)
10. Met 2 new possible bestfriends and some other cool people (but I'm way cooler, no doubt there).
11. Fell in love in Sandakan.
12. Warded in the hospital. Twice.
13. Made myself popular in Miri's Cherry Berrie and alFresco. And OH! Definitely in SOHO too.
14. Received my graduation scroll!
15. My external hard drive crashed, there goes all my photos and videos (if you feel me, please donate some money).
16. Got OVER Sydney. My BIGGEST achievement.

And no, I don't wanna grow old with you.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Forever 23

I seem to can't get enough of Akon. It's either I have just discovered my ability to tune in with his negrito groove, or I have dangerously slipped down the musical totem pole for finally resorting to enjoying Akon's music or I am just plain sick with the rest.

I was warded on the day I turned 23. I had been looking forward to this year's March 26th, as I could finally be with my family after years (since KYS years starting in 1999) of being away from home. But I fell ridiculously sick and was lying on the bed with my elder brother being the only one in the room wishing me all that everyone would.

The doctor somehow found it to be utterly ironic that I was turning a year older on the very day that I found it hard to even breathe, due to my swollen liver and infectious intestines. But he bent over and said that it has been a very long time since he was 23. I had no idea why he suddenly said that. He told me to stay 23 forever. He would.

I guess for me, being 23 is exceptional. It was Michael Jordan's favourite number, and Beckham wore his jersey that bore this number, though it may seem for just a flick of an era (I don't know why I wrote this, Jordan and Beckham don't amaze me, I'm hardly a fan).

At the age of 23, I finally finished university, and for an instant I thought I knew a lot of things due to the completed four-years syllabus and I was really 'head to toe' on the world being my oyster. At 23 too I feel very unequipped and uninformed for not having yet to enter the career world. At this age, I feel that I should travel more and I am beyond convinced of the fact that I could survive anywhere in the world wherever fate lands me at. I am ambitious to acquire more new skills and yet I am stupified by the fact that the more I learn, the less I know. At this age, I am very optimistic of people and I have willingly decided to give everyone the second chance that they so well deserved, but I am also mortified with certain people's unacceptable behaviours and how I swore that I would never be like one.

I know that a lot of things happen and countless thoughts occur to people at all ages. But for me personally, with the what little milestone that I have endeavoured and the 'new stage' of life I am now embracing (post-uni years, adulthood maybe?), it seems that being 23 alone makes me want to improve in a lot of sense. It's not just 23, it's a new era for me altogether.

I don't feel like this before, but for once, I want to be at this age forever, being 23 feels good. Unless of course, I later discovered a nicer number to hook onto. Oh well, with all this mess on age...they're just numbers, afterall.

I'm sorry if you don't make enough sense from this particular post. You know you don't have to.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

The March Rush!

It has been almost a solid month since I last wrote something in this page. I have been half-hearted about this blog; it appears to be very old and unmodified and given that this blog so resembles me during my Sydney life is enough of an indicator that I probably need some alterations within it, to say the least. Or maybe a new blog, altogether? But browsing through the old posts has truly made me realise that I do grow and in ways more than one, I have truly changed a lot from what I was a couple of years ago. Probably that's the wondrous power of a blog; the old posts are meant only and only for you, just so you are able to recall on what consumes your mind and what tires your body in the yesteryears. And the funnier thing is, some of those matters appeared to be of utmost importance in those days, and yet they successfully appear to be petty and insignificant today. Am I just not stating the obvious?

Eversince I left Australia, I have lost a lot of self-touch within myself, and that includes translating perspectives and views I have throughout any given weeks into words. Would you believe me if I say that I couldn't stop thinking about Sydney even until today? Probably I did had the time of my life there, or probably my life did started there or maybe I was just a katak bawah tempurung, so amazed by the wonders of the outside world that whatever comes first in line (in this case, Sydney) strucked me speechless and emotional?

The 17 days I was in Malaysia was more like a series of event that I endured aimlessly to make the days pass quicker while waiting for my next flight to Qatar to meet my family. I managed to catch up with a few friends and settled a few important errands, but they all have now been diluted into unrecallable events as my mind was always occupied by Sydney all the time.

Now that I am in Doha for almost 2 weeks already, I have started to feel and see the hint of what I will be doing in the future and I am pretty much excited about it. I am more calm and stable and I have embraced the fact that once the time is up, there's nothing you can do about it. I have been here hanging out with my parents, taking things slower and furnishing myself with more elements that I believed would enrich me with more ingredients of life. In short, things are okay. And to those of you who lended your ears throughout me rambling about my ending Sydney escapade, I thank you and...thank you again.

So next would be massive job hunting days and Perhimpunan Agung UMNO (PAU), something I hope would be able to occupy me and give me some ideas and inspirations. Perhaps PAU would be the platform of when I would be able to get back in gear again, and no, this time not to prove myself (as I mindlessly did all these while, thinking that this is life is all about), but to just keep going forward and making the best of what I have of each days ahead.

And yes, to those Sydneysiders who contributed to me having a memorable summer, here's my thank you note again. And to the many friends I made along the trip, all of you truly were my saviour. All of you and the month-long trip that I took all by myself was something that I will cherish, hopefully, for the rest of my life.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Goodbye Sydney

Today is February 5th 2009. I have been thinking about this day for a very very very long time. And now, it is finally here, into the 6th hour of the day. I will officially bid my final farewell to Sydney, a city like no other, as my flight back to KL is less than 9 hours away. It feels scary, to tell you the truth.

Well, I wouldn't say that I am prepared to leave this country, Australia. There are still so many things I want to do, and so many sights I wish I could get the chance to lay my eyes on. But I know, no matter how hard I fought for this day not to arrive, although virtually impossible it may seem, I know it draws closer to me by every ticking second, and I just have to face it.

It is not easy for me. More than anything else, I have fallen in love with Sydney. I have cultivated an undivided acceptance of her perfection and imperfection. I know no other city could rival her stunning harbour, and I realized that Sydney is actually kicking goals against the bigger boys, like London and NYC. There are always things to do around, and the sun has been very kind to Sydney for 9 months out of the whole year. Yes, I am aware that the price tags of every-god-damned-thing here has put on a death grip on my wallet, and how horrid the public transportations are when the rush hour gridlock kicks in, but still, I found it very...contented by just being here. Why? I don't know. Suffice to say, I am indeed in love with Sydney.

But I am aware that the time God lended me is up. It is now my turn to leave Sydney, making rooms for new people to get in and experience the kind of thrills Sydney can bestow them with. It's not a tragic, it's just that my number is up. Sometimes, I feel bad and guilty to KL, my birthplace, for the lack of awe I have towards her compared to Sydney. Probably because I had my first total freedom here in Sydney. Or probably because I discovered a bigger portion of myself here too.

Nevertheless, alhamdulillah. I am grateful for the degree I have obtained, the wonderful people I have met and fostered friendships with, the travelling I have done, the soul-searching and self-discovery I have made, and most importantly, the gratifying series of events that I have encountered which has successfully turned me into what I am today. Everything seemed to be so majestic, and essential. And they all took place in Sydney. I probably didn't make the most of the time I had here, but I would like to believe that I have reached a certain standard of excellence and confidence. Come to think back, Sydney has contributed this massive block of structure throughout the construction of my well-being.

Now is the time for me to give KL the long awaited chance that she so well deserves all these while, and who knows, I might fell in love with KL soon? God knows I need that to happen. But for now, Goodbye Sydney, thanks and sorry for everything and I WILL miss you. You truly, are special.