Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Am I There Yet?

Thanks for being the person whom I enjoy missing.

Thanks for the being the friend whom I can spend hours and hours hanging out with.

Thanks for reminding me not to expect anything after a kind deed.

Thanks for letting me know that I will always have another soul to fall back on.

Thanks for being the kind of friend whom I want to see succeed more than myself.

Thanks for reminding me not to take life too seriously.

Thanks for making me realize that things do change between people.

Thanks for giving birth to me, hence life itself.

Thanks for making me your motivation in going through your days.

Thanks for trusting me with your inner fears.

Thanks for making me realize that I am capable of things I thought I never would.

Thanks for being nice.

Thank you, because of you, I now stay truer to myself. 

Thank you.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

big apple(s)

Have you tried listening to the song 'Empire State of Mind (Part 2)' by Alicia Keys? It's not the more popular one where she sings it with Jay-Z, this song (the Part 2) is entirely by her alone. And of course, she plays the piano with it too. It's a good song, I spent my the entire past 2 days listening to it. She made me feel like really taking a vocal class. She also made me wish that I was a born and a bred New Yorker. 


I don't think I am vain. But I know some people really are. Quite a lot of the facebook profile pages that I came across were owned by souls that are really interested in themselves. They'll put up, sometimes, up to 20 photo albums, and all of the pictures in those albums are only pictures of themselves. And no one / nothing else. 

And there will be a lot of comments beneath all those photos from other people of the same mindset, thinking that the ultimate scenario of photos-posting has been achieved; to only display an individual's outer beauty, and nothing else.

Of course, some people uses their online profile to really tell the whole world that 'I am pretty / handsome!', and after a while you will realize that there is all to their pages. And nothing else; you spent 1 good hour on their page even, and you still can't figure out what they like or what they do.

Of course, I am not saying that it's absurd to apply such belief. I, in fact, think that millions of other people put up an online profile simply for that.

But I personally prefer online profiles that are really used for network-expanding purposes, keeping in touch with family and friends, letting people know the surface growth of your life or simply as pages where your interest and passion are quite exemplified. For example, I enjoyed browsing through some friends' profiles, because they include elements of what they are passionate about; sports or writings or travels or music or design etc. I just think that's more fulfilling and more honest. 

But then again, no one expects you to be honest, it's just an online profile. Show more of your ass and abs for all I care.

I miss Kuala Lumpur. I want to live there some day, with good friends and good income and in a nice apartment smacked in the city. I like how the city's backdrops fit well in almost every photography's background, how the people rushes of here and there, how everyone spend their after-work hours chillexing at all these cool cafes and bars etc. I even like the feeling of having to cramp the little hours left you have in a day with so many other things haha. It feels so city.

To all my readers, I miss you.

Friday, February 12, 2010

you're fat!

I don't get it why some people I know always cast me the same surprised and sad look whenever they bumped into me walking alone in the mall, or at the cafe or anywhere else. Some of them even said stuff like "Kesian nya kau jalan sorang" or "are you having a problem?". Of course the more uneducated ones will just kept quiet and formed pathetic conclusion in their minds about me being friendless and unsociable.

They're such a bitch / male-bitch. 

I know quite a lot of people who are scared to death about hanging out all by themselves and they struggle to find company all the damned time. They even go to the extend of rescheduling their time or not attending any important errands if that means they have to do some things along for a few hours.

They're such a bitch / male-bitch. And I actually pity them. A lot. I also hope they will grow old fat.

To me there's nothing wrong with spending your time alone, even for a lot of times. I think it's bravery and it takes a lot of courage. The most important thing is, not minding being alone means that you actually like yourself, and you want to spend time with yourself. I think that's sexy/cool/sexy.

I can go on about the truthful and deep reasons on why it's okay to hang out alone. But I prefer to talk about the surface and simple stuff. 

And you, your look tells me as if I am an anti-social awkward guy who prefers mowing the lawn to making friends. Snap it off suckers, let me tell you something. I know how to make friends. I am actually likable. I've been told by people that they like hanging out with me. In fact, I think that I can make more friends in 2-3 months than you can in a year.

And that's why you're the bitch / male-bitch.

And if you think your life is more fulfilling just because you came across me walking alone 3-4 times  a week while you're juggling between 3-4 friends at the same time, I have news for you. Your friends are not nearly as hot as me, and in fact, one of them looks like a fat lesbi** bit**. That alone, makes your life not as fulfilling as you thought it is. 

I sat at a coffee shop alone, while rearranging my budget for the month / reading a classic literature with an iced milo in front of me. That's way hotter than you walking with 2 hideous tramps and 1 flat-nosed short guy with an 'artistic attitudinal' hobo t-shirt that doesn't quite scream 'fashion!'.

Ignore the previous two (2) paragraphs. That just got out (it's not me, it's my trapped superficial soul).

I like myself. I definitely like myself more than anyone else around me. It's not that I don't mind hanging out alone. But it's just that I want to hang out alone. Cheers mate, tah!

PS: By the way, if I see you dying by the street, I will still help you. Although my impulsive respond would be to pour acid in you throat and call your 'friends' to let them know that you need ambulance. And yes, please ignore this paragraph, too. 

Sunday, February 07, 2010

when you've already got me coming undone...

I have a piece of 2 cents to share here. I think we should really limit the number of persons we can trust in our life. Believe me when I said that sometimes, having trust issues is even a good thing. Nobody in this world takes your secret as big as you do. Nobody understands the magnitude of your secret as you do. Nobody even understands what kind of consequences it has in store for you should everyone else knows about it as much as you do.

You tell someone something private about your life, and they assured you that it will not leave the table. But sooner or later, they will 'accidentally' mention it to their other good friends, or their lovers or even their family members, thinking that this second degree listener is trustworthy too. Well, maybe they are, but the point is clear. A secret told to you is only meant for you. 

But they still think it's alright, because to them, they can trust this one more person with the secret and assurance were given there too. But the cycle keeps going on and on, and by the time you knew it, 5-6 people have already familiarized themselves with the private details of your life.

I have arrived to a conclusion that I can only trust completely 2 people in my life. I have many other good friends, but they unintentionally betrayed me as well. I understand that they didn't mean to hurt me, and I have not made a big deal about it inside me, but seriously, it hurts to know that someone whom I thought I could trust were airing my secret to someone else. Yes, I am not angry or anything to some of them (given the size of the friendship that we have and yes, I forgive quite easily) but at least now I know how the human minds operate. 

No offense to anyone, I just need to clear this out from my mind.

And I wish I could undo all the mistakes that I have done for the past 7 months since I stepped foot in Miri. And sometimes I thought of leaving this place altogether, and start brand new somewhere else. 

It has been a year and 2 days since I left Sydney. I wouldn't say that time flies, but yeah it kinda did.