Tuesday, May 10, 2011

your courier item is with us...

i found solace and contentment by running in the evening, when i'm done with work and stuff. i've had friends and i've known quite a number of people who has shrinks or therapists in search of serenity and longevity in inner peace. it works by the patient opening up their hearts and souls and pouring everything out like water gushing out of a hole in a damn. at the price of 100 dollars an hour.

maybe i haven't reached that stage where i need to pay someone to listen to me, or pay them to tell me things that i have already known about but not too firm to believe in it until another soul tells me to. but whatever the case, i still prefer running when i feel like my innards are about to implode due to stress or overbearing burden from just being human. and it's cheaper. all you need is good running shoes (you don't even need a shirt to run, to be brutally honest) and amidst all the salty sweat and panting breaths, you suddenly feel like you are at your best again.

one of my good friend emailed me and wrote on how she misses me and how she feels as if things doesn't turn out the way she has planned them on. of course, i miss her too. the truth is, i've had SO much fun and happy (and adventurous) times in uni years, that i often compared how things were back then and how everything is at the present. and all these comparisons will usually end in me being slightly sad (or maybe angry) that things are not the same anymore and how it seems so impossible to relive your past good memories or build your life exactly in the same way it was back then. reliving my old times mean finding the same kind of friends and living in a place that somehow resembles where we were. and both were impossible... with me being in Miri.

good things are not so commonly found sometimes, and when you've had the kind of blast in life that you are never too tired to replay them over and over again in your mind, you are somehow smacked flat to the ground, knowing that it will never repeat itself. maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have your youth years filled with average and mediocre memories or point-of-actions. then you won't miss them so much, at least.

this is a bit unfair, but i am only looking at my life in Miri as a learning ground for work and other goals in life, solely. once i feel comfortable with all these goals already, i'm outta here insya Allah. i'm serious.

Friday, May 06, 2011


The thing about wanting to be a constant blogger is; you can never be a constant blogger. you disappear at times because you were too busy and get too caught up with other issues in life, or as a more frequent scenario may hold, you just ran out of ideas on what to write. yeap it's true, thousands of things are happening around the world involving millions of citizens and at the end of the day, when all you believed you need is to hit the keyboard and do some thought processing... nothing came out.

it's a little wonder that among the truckloads amount of blogs out there, majority of them are crap (just like this blog). the only person who reads the posts are the writers themselves, and more than 7 times a week, they are guaranteed to at least think to stop blogging altogether. and yes, i wonder too, why in the name of heavens i keep on blogging.

i used to have a lot of readers in my blog few years back (ironically, those were the days when my posts were nothing but an awful lot of crap with very few interesting ideas). those were the days when everyone in sydney (my group of friends, at least) spent a good 1 hour a day stalking other peers' blogs or wrote one themselves.

but those days are gone, their daily one-hour period are now occupied with more important stuff like attending to their wives, or dining out with friends and having an actual conversations with an actual person out there. but it's different for me... still single at 25, very unenthusiastic about the social scene in Miri and apart from work and gym, i really don't do anything else here.

thus, i kept on writing and not publishing most of my posts. by the way, i now weigh 70kgs and apparently my chest is broader now (according to some). thanks to gym i suppose... and protein supplements.

generally, i write to practice and also because if i don't write, i'll go mad. at times. sometimes.

i can't believe i'm saying this; but more than ever now, i'm just so sick of being single and can't wait to try a new ride called 'relationships'. although i really believe that i will be horribly bad at it. well, probably this is not me speaking, maybe it's just the post-work stress. goodnight!