sadly, no

your courier item is with us...

2011-05-10T06:16:00.003+10:00

i found solace and contentment by running in the evening, when i'm done with work and stuff. i've had friends and i've known quite a number of people who has shrinks or therapists in search of serenity and longevity in inner peace. it works by the patient opening up their hearts and souls and pouring everything out like water gushing out of a hole in a damn. at the price of 100 dollars an hour.

maybe i haven't reached that stage where i need to pay someone to listen to me, or pay them to tell me things that i have already known about but not too firm to believe in it until another soul tells me to. but whatever the case, i still prefer running when i feel like my innards are about to implode due to stress or overbearing burden from just being human. and it's cheaper. all you need is good running shoes (you don't even need a shirt to run, to be brutally honest) and amidst all the salty sweat and panting breaths, you suddenly feel like you are at your best again.

one of my good friend emailed me and wrote on how she misses me and how she feels as if things doesn't turn out the way she has planned them on. of course, i miss her too. the truth is, i've had SO much fun and happy (and adventurous) times in uni years, that i often compared how things were back then and how everything is at the present. and all these comparisons will usually end in me being slightly sad (or maybe angry) that things are not the same anymore and how it seems so impossible to relive your past good memories or build your life exactly in the same way it was back then. reliving my old times mean finding the same kind of friends and living in a place that somehow resembles where we were. and both were impossible... with me being in Miri.

good things are not so commonly found sometimes, and when you've had the kind of blast in life that you are never too tired to replay them over and over again in your mind, you are somehow smacked flat to the ground, knowing that it will never repeat itself. maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have your youth years filled with average and mediocre memories or point-of-actions. then you won't miss them so much, at least.

this is a bit unfair, but i am only looking at my life in Miri as a learning ground for work and other goals in life, solely. once i feel comfortable with all these goals already, i'm outta here insya Allah. i'm serious.

Anastacia

2011-05-06T02:32:00.002+10:00

The thing about wanting to be a constant blogger is; you can never be a constant blogger. you disappear at times because you were too busy and get too caught up with other issues in life, or as a more frequent scenario may hold, you just ran out of ideas on what to write. yeap it's true, thousands of things are happening around the world involving millions of citizens and at the end of the day, when all you believed you need is to hit the keyboard and do some thought processing... nothing came out.

it's a little wonder that among the truckloads amount of blogs out there, majority of them are crap (just like this blog). the only person who reads the posts are the writers themselves, and more than 7 times a week, they are guaranteed to at least think to stop blogging altogether. and yes, i wonder too, why in the name of heavens i keep on blogging.

i used to have a lot of readers in my blog few years back (ironically, those were the days when my posts were nothing but an awful lot of crap with very few interesting ideas). those were the days when everyone in sydney (my group of friends, at least) spent a good 1 hour a day stalking other peers' blogs or wrote one themselves.

but those days are gone, their daily one-hour period are now occupied with more important stuff like attending to their wives, or dining out with friends and having an actual conversations with an actual person out there. but it's different for me... still single at 25, very unenthusiastic about the social scene in Miri and apart from work and gym, i really don't do anything else here.

thus, i kept on writing and not publishing most of my posts. by the way, i now weigh 70kgs and apparently my chest is broader now (according to some). thanks to gym i suppose... and protein supplements.

generally, i write to practice and also because if i don't write, i'll go mad. at times. sometimes.

i can't believe i'm saying this; but more than ever now, i'm just so sick of being single and can't wait to try a new ride called 'relationships'. although i really believe that i will be horribly bad at it. well, probably this is not me speaking, maybe it's just the post-work stress. goodnight!

i left you outside.

2011-03-30T02:59:00.003+11:00

it's amazing how a human can create strong bonds with another person through a simple common ground. i believe that you shouldn't be too strict on who your friends are. but you definitely need to be strict on whom you choose to trust.

it's a bit sad, but I have only discovered that the things that are worth doing in your life, are usually the things that are difficult to do. it took me 25 bloody years to actually fathom and digest that concept.

i spent an average 1 hour per day browsing beautiful people's blog or personal webpage, up to a point that i can tell what's their full name, who are their bestfriends, which restaurants they usually frequent to and what sort of pet do they have. i don't think i'm a stalker, i'm just one of those fortunate people who knows my way around the net.

it's disgusting how some people you know added you in facebook, and then removed you from their friends' list over a small argument. what's even more disgusting is people who doesn't know how to be humble and utter 'i'm sorry'. they're pathetic, and i'm glad in not connected with you through facebook anymore (hey, facebook is a big deal ok!).

i am only updating my blog tonight because it's tuesday, and i know that you read my blog every tuesday :) i love you.

A Quarter of a Century (!)

2011-03-26T02:52:00.002+11:00

Here's to the last few minutes of being 24.

I hope my life will be blessed with more smiles, laughter, peace, accomplishments, good health, and of course, a stronger Iman. Insya Allah.

happy 25th birthday to me.

Alhamdulillah.

i just came to say hello

2011-03-21T00:40:00.003+11:00

Guess what, another weekend flew by. Just like that, and much to my dislike, tomorrow will be Monday again, the beginning of a new week. Which means the universe will again see me struggle to set myself free from the lazy lament and aftermath of the weekends, only to reach my fullest productivity at work by Wednesday noon, only then to be greeted again by another Friday in less than 48 hours (which means I will be back to my lazy mode and start dreaming again on how life will soon be better and happier). Sigh.

To think that I will be living like that for another 30 years or so, coupled with the fact that EVERYONE in this world does live like that for 30 years of their life, demotivates me... to say the least. And yes, I can feel that shiver being shot rundown my spine. My healthy spine.

(BTW some would argue that the beginning of the week is actually Sunday, but let's not get into that and complicate this post).

On an unrelated note, one of my best friend, Ashraf (Joe, Joegi, Joey, JOEi) is now a father! Congratulations Joe! Joe and I went way back. We were friends since college, and became really close friends after flying together to Sydney in the name of Education. He was always calm, always put people first (especially his housemates) never failed to look at the bright side of life (I am serious and I literally meant it), always make me feel as if my jokes were the funniest, embraced the fact that his set of teeth was less than perfect and of course, smart. So Alhamdulillah, Joe deserves this kind of happiness more than anyone I know.

Things has been okay I suppose for me in Miri. Yes, I still wish that I am living in KL now, but as one of my newly-met friend (Boh) mentioned, sometimes in life you just have to wing it (he said something like that lah).

So in the name of winging it; I am now adapting well to my new superior's (he is strict, btw) commands and requirements, I have been loitering (ermmm... yeap, that's right; loitering) around in gym more often lately and I will start my Squash Regime real soon, and this time I am not kidding. And plus, I will be joining Ariff and Nasyita on a road trip from Miri to Kudat, Sabah on my birthday!

I can never stress this enough, but there is something about road trips that makes me feel as if I am at my best. The scenary, the thought of you in a car flashing by other people's places and stopping there for only 2-3 minutes just to rush off for a poo or grab a Coke or to replenish your junk food stock. There's always something so real about roadtrips, something so adventurous... as if the whole experiences sort of jumped out of an old thick-bound classic literature book. And of course, good company and many photographs are two default requirements :)

I am scared. More and more people whom I was close with during my late teens and early 20s are now called husbands, wives, daddies and mommies. And look where I am, not even in a relationship. I kept telling myself that it's okay, I'm still young and there's more time for all these commitment-based ideology when you're done with enjoying your bachelorhood (super subjective, that statement).

But truthfully, what really scares me the most is the fact I am too comfortable being single, that at times (or maybe, most of the times) I don't even look forward to having a relationship. I am always thinking of doing many things in my life, and lately, the mind image of me doing all these fun and exciting stuff are no longer a picture of me with my future gf/wife. It has now turned into a mental film on me doing all these things alone (or with my few selected bestfriends). Maybe I indulge too much in the never-ending world of narcissism. Or maybe I just still don't get it that the best things in life are shared.

But all in all, I am not ready yet for a relationship. I have not met anyone yet that swept me off my feet, or anyone that makes me feel like sweeping them off their feet (for that matter). I have my reason (a concrete and strong one) but we'll keep that for another post.

Goodnight, thanks for reading!

when i hit my dues

2011-03-04T08:12:00.003+11:00

Believe it or not, I will officially be 25 in about 3 weeks time. To tell you the truth, I have imagined about being 25 for a very long time. I had imagined it while growing up, during my teen years, and while laboring my brains in completing college... and during all those times, being 25 seemed so distant, that I actually wondered will the time actually come?

And here I am, another 3 Saturdays and I will be 25. The grace period will then be over, I will no longer be qualified to claim of living in the post-adolescent period, and whether I like it or not, all societal rules and requirements will now be applied to me fully. And why shouldn't they? After all, I will hit the quarter-of-a-century mark real soon.

I have an issue. I can downright be too ambitious, silently telling myself to achieve a certain standards in a few self-labelled 'walks of life'. And till I actually attained those goals, I tend to feel that my life hasn't started and I am still living in the 'preparatory stage' of my life.

I used to think it was fine, except that however this 'prep stage' has seemed to last a bit too long and has caused me to forget on how it is to actually live life on the present tense, and breathing in every moment I went through, because I was too busy planning and imagining my future life and began my daily self-talks with "One day, I will...".

The truth is, I haven't been achieving much of my goals (because I lacked focus, not persistent and simply because I want to be good at things that I reckon I will never like doing, to even begin with... but nevertheless, I still feel that I need to be good at it because my life won't be 'complete' without it).

So when being 25 is just around the corner, and I feel that this 'prep stage' is still not over, I was finally dumbstruck, to say the least. Perhaps I have completely forgotten of the fact that life is a journey, and learning or improving yourself is an on-going process. All this dilemma has also turned me into some one who is scared to death of growing old. Seriously, the only thing I liked about my birthdays is counting the wishes that I received on my facebook wall. Other than that, it will just be a day where I will bombard myself with depressing thoughts and heavily pondered on whether have I left a mark somewhere in life? True, I have forgotten on how to live by the moment.

It's my fault, but to a certain extend, I refuse to blame myself. Every human being needs validation, and my validation comes in that way; knowing to do a lot/being a high achiever.

Turning the coin on the other side; things do turn up good anyway. I might still be trapped in this small-minded 'prep stage - waiting for my life to start'... because I am still not able to converse in French well, I am still not able to take and edit good photographs, I still haven't reached my financial goals, I still haven't achieved that desired body weight and I still am not very good at doing work in my office and bla bla bla.

But at least I am a member of a happy and well-fed family. I have a degree, has traveled quite extensively, am not hideous looking and my best-friend Najmuddin and Nadirah are still by my side. Alhamdulillah.

Here's to the last few weeks of being 24, and may this 'prep stage' can finally leave my mind, to enable me to take life as it is.

Allah, thank you for everything, Alhamdulillah.

2011-02-03T10:04:00.002+11:00

In a few hours time, we will start hitting the road and hippie-stylishly drive ourselves to Bintulu. I will be spending my CNY leave hiking Similajau National Park, in the central Sarawak region, insya Allah.

If all turns out as planned, I can happily tick off another check box in my list of traveling to do while living in Borneo. Hopefully the weather is on our side ;)

By the way, I prefer the phrase 'I live in Borneo', as opposed to 'I live in Miri'. Borneo sounds rather more exotic, and life's too short to not be anything exotic.

(life's too short for bad fitting jeans and oversized shirts, too. Do take note).

when you turn 50

2011-02-03T04:44:00.002+11:00

I have probably spent a total of 1000 hours of my lifetime searching for interesting quotes over the net and getting inspired by them (and forgetting them 48 hours later, usually after a post-traumatic workloads in the office). and i am also a sucker for inspirational wordy photographs, as the combination of stunning photography and strong words just has a way into my heart.

recently, one of those that i came across was a sepia picture of an old guy with a scripted phrase at the bottom of the photograph that says "I just turned 50. my best days are now officially behind me".

before i start, i must make it clear here that i am one of those shallow people that are scared of growing old. yes, that's true. i am worried and scared to death of seeing the clock ticking away, leaving me with absolutely no way to have my fist clenched around them again, sending me deeper and deeper into my lifelines, taking away my youth and replacing it with the dreadful thin lines and grey hairs.

reasons being because i am not matured enough for always equating 'being young' as 'living life'. i don't quite see the ability of living and enjoying life when you are not accompanied by your youthful beauty, healthy joints and a disease-free well being. i always assume that being old means i will have limitations (in terms of physical ability) and so much more. what i probably fail to see is that older people are usually the wisest among all of us because they have been through so much and they tend to have a certain elegance that they carry with them in their daily lives.

(good thing i am a male. as they say, a male gets more and more attractive as they age. and not so much for female). phew, at least i am a male.... and suddenly the thought of growing old seems 10% less scary.

due to all these, i sometimes feel that i try so hard to live life to the fullest before my youth time is up, that i have lost the spontaneity and the gracefulness in actually living life itself. i have reached a point where i actually count my good memories and achievements, because i am worried that i may reach a certain age without the 'sufficient amount of good memories and achievements'. i am now so focused in building memories and living the young life, up to the extend that i have actually forgotten to just be and live by the moment itself without any other care in the world.

in my mind, my dateline is 50, and that means i have another 25 years to go. thinking about what to do within those 25 years and what to fill them with is enough to make me stress and anxious. don't get me wrong... my issue is that i have very little tolerance towards being imperfect that i am scared of reaching an old age and suddenly realizing that i haven't done/achieve much and ask myself the question that i want forever to stay away from: "where have all my years gone by? what have i done/achieved?".

i guess it's a just a mind trick that happens to all single people. being single, we are the kind of people who have not yet added the terms "wife" or "kids" and "extended family" into our life equations. we are still cruising through life solo. hence, the obsession of achieving/doing enough, because we thought that eventually these achievements will be the substitute for all the love that we might not have when loneliness kicks in.

i hope i make sense here... but whatever it is, to all my readers, here's to growing and ageing with grace, and may each year added into our life brings with it more charm, charisma and wisdom (and wealth too!). it's inevitable, what is the use of being scared of it anyway, right?

Welcoming 2011

2011-02-01T02:15:00.003+11:00

I haven't been properly welcoming 2011 in this blog... Probably because there was a two-weeks period where I really thought that I had nothing else to write in this world anymore (true, good things do come to an end), or probably of the fact that I haven't been keeping in touch with my 'writing side' (and this usually means I set my life on auto pilot and simply cruise through life without much thought on it).

but the actual truth is that I have been smoking way too much and I haven't been managing my time well and got tangled up in so many crisis (work wise and personal life wise)... that by the end of each day, all there's left to do is hit the bed (and spend a third of the night wondering whether will I be able to wake up at 6am tomorrow?). sigh. such is life.

anyway, i can't help but came across a few articles about people and their new resolutions. yes, i admit, i have 12 new resolutions this year (6 of them are carried forward from last year. sigh) and all these articles kept me wondering on what have i achieved for the past year. was 2010 spent well enough? ... was it a year worth living and would i miss every damned second of it like how 2008 really left a soft spot in my heart? (2008 by the way, was so far the best year in my life).

that's the thing with us humans. we ponder on the past, wondering whether have we achieved enough? this could probably be the reason on why some people i know are so scared of growing old (and that includes me). us humans, we were created to crave for accomplishments. we seem to need validation, and without it, we don't feel strong about ourselves. we just can not seem to be happy without all these validations. other species on the other hand, don't care much about buying new car, job promotions or a salary raise (but the again, that's probably why they all ended up being stray animals or got eaten up by their carnivorous counter-parts). LOL!

for a quick glance, 2010 was not all that bad for me. i've met some new friends, had a few memorable crazy night outs (my achievements are shallow, i know), performed better at work (according to my boss), managed to taste what it was like to spend 11 days straight offshore, bought an iphone, and of course, i finally managed to travel to 3 european countries. that's about all, i guess. but it feels good knowing that i am now only 25, and insya Allah i still have more years to add more spectrum in my life.

but all in all, a new year is just another day. january 1st, to be more precise, is just another day. it's all the same shits, but in a different year.

2011 hopefully will be the day when i am more able to persistently perform well at work. this year too, hopefully, where i can attain my desired body shape and be able to finally play squash well. i hope to save more money too this year, and insya Allah all three of my major traveling plans are to happen this year too. AMIN!

good night people. (this is kinda pathetic, but if you do read my blog, please leave a comment. a simple 'HELLO" would suffice. i feel like i'm running out of readers, and that scares the hell out of me).

good night again! x

impossible

2011-01-13T02:53:00.003+11:00

I can't wait for your arrival on Friday. I have a long overdue hug to give.

Goodnight!

some people are _________. get over it!

2011-01-13T00:34:00.001+11:00

I’m punk… So I must be a rebel.

I’m Asian… So I must like maths.

I dye my hair crazy colours… So I must be looking for attention.

I’m a lesbian… So I must have a crush on every single girl I see.

I have a lot of girl friends… So I must be fucking every single one of them.

I smile a lot… So I must have the perfect life.

I listen to reggae… So I must be a stoner.

My opinion matters… So I must be a bitch.

I like to help out… So I must be a suck up.

I’m Black… So I must be ghetto.

I’m bisexual… So I must get around.

I’m Chinese… So I must have loved money.

I’m Mexican… So I must be low class.

I cut myself… So I must be emo.

I laugh a lot… So I cannot be depressed.

I like spending my days at home… So I don’t have any friends.

I’m gay… So I must be bullied.

I’m not popular… So I must be a loser.

I’m quiet… Something bad must have happened to me.

I get good grades… So I must have no life.

~~I’M A HUMAN… SO I MUST BE STEREOTYPED!~~

Braces

2010-12-15T05:07:00.002+11:00

I certainly hope you will care much when I saw that I finally have my braces on. I totally hear you when you say at the top of your head that I don't need it. It's true, apart from the slight, but obvious, 'twitch' that I have on two of my front teeth of the lower gum, the rest of my teeth are actually okay, they're aligned and if it isn't of their yellowish shade, I sure am damn proud of my sets of teeth.

But it's the 'twitch' that makes me unsettled about the whole business, especially on how powerful it is in transforming my smile into an immediate frown every time I flashed my smile in front of a mirror. And sure enough, I decided to do something about it and hence, the braces.

I must say it feels very uncomfortable and it isn't as glamorous as we thought it'd be back in school upon seeing our other classmates having it on. I haven't had any proper enjoyment of meals for the past 4 to 5 days, and every strand of my meal seemed to have manage to leave something to dangle between those brackets and wires in my mouth.

I wouldn't expect myself to say this one day; but now that every ounce of food in my mouth had to be sent straight to the throat (and later resulted in indigestion) simply because I am not able to chop and slice them off with my teeth into smaller pieces, I really think one of the greatest pleasure of life is actually being able to properly bite, chew and actually taste the food you are consuming.

I had a 500-days plan journey to embark on, and the journey will start on the first day of the braces being put on inside my mouth ( I reckon all these brackets will be inside my mouth for 500 days, tops). This 500-days plan covers all 12 aspects within my life, and I have set gradual improvement stages throughout the 500 days as many milestones that will eventually lead to my goals around this 12 aspects.

In short, after 500 days, I will be an improved version of 'me'. This braces is sort of now acting like a sand watch for me as to always reconcile with the nature of these 500 days (apart from correcting my 'twitch'). After 500 days, off go the braces (in with the new perfect smile) and also all 12 goals are achieved, insya Allah.

And by that time too, I will get my transfer letter back to KL, insya Allah. AMIIIINNNN!

even brighter than the moon...

2010-12-02T01:50:00.002+11:00

I really have no clue on why many bloggers ended their posts with a footnote that tells the readers on what song they were listening to while they were conjuring up that particular post.

No, don't worry as I am not about to bitch-mouth these people, because I happen to be in a quite delighted mood now, thank you very much.

As a matter of fact, I am amused by such practice and I kinda think it's actually cool. It's cool because you can either let your readers interject an emotion while reading your posts, hence understanding them better. Or probably because it's a way to let people know what you truly feel inside, when all the 8 paragraphs prior to that have failed you. Or maybe it's cool because it's simply a subtle way of letting other blog-hoppers know that you are one of those lucky few who has an invariably preeminent and exemplary choice of songs (uuuuhh, look at me... I'm listening to songs so indie that no one has ever even heard of it... UUUUUHHHHH, I bet you wonder where I downloaded all these 'rare' songs uuuuhhhhh...).

Anyway, as cool as it is to attach a footnote with the title of the song that blasted through you, I can never pull off such practice. I tried to, for once (as you can see in my posts within 2006/2007... aaah, amateur years), but I felt that it was pretentious and very unoriginal.

Primary reason being simply because I am not able to tune my ears into listening to other songs when a specific song has captured my attention. I am those unfortunate few who helplessly fall in love with a single song at any one point in my life and just do not know how to let loose and give it a break. (Other than that, I just can't listen to music while I'm trying to creative-write. They murder my ideas).

If I really were to adhere to such requirement, the footnote that says "I'm listening to Train's Hey Soul Sister" would be there for as long as 14 different posts for an entire 14 days. Or "I'm listening to Katy Perry's Fireworks" would be a default footnote for more than 20 posts straight. Or worse, "I'm listening to David Guetta's Club Can't Handle Me", for as long as 74 days! Or maybe 75.

Oh my God, I am pathetic.

By the way, I am embarking on my 500-days plan. It's a plan that has been established as a route for me to be come the new and better and improved 'me'. This, is something that I will have to explain on my next post because as of now I am just too tired and all I wanna do is crawl under my blanket. Well, not literally since I don't blanket myself while I'm asleep.

I love my Mum. Sometimes, I don't know what I'd do without her. One day, she will ask me. And when she does, I will tell.

Good night people, I'm off to a shower and bed. But before that, a dose of cigarette and Guetta's Club Can't Handle Me seems justifiable.

(Oh my God, I really AM pathetic).

hello sarah... ?

2010-11-30T21:12:00.002+11:00

I have very few things to say today, but they're not important.

(Can you actually like a girl you haven't met by just reading her blog? Ermmm, oh yes... you can. I did. I hope I finally bump into Sarah tomorrow. At the gym. Or at Fajaria. Or at the local supermarket. Anywhere will do).

Fireworks

2010-11-29T02:47:00.004+11:00

I'm not feeling very creative now, hence I titled my post in accordance to the song that I listened to like there's no other music in this world (at the moment); Fireworks by Katy Perry. I'll just be honest here; I am actually a pop fan (a friend one said that I am a 'Pop Guy'... whatever he means, I don't want to know) and I think that the genre pop this year should be more like Katy. She brings life to her music, her performances are always energetic and mainstream, and her beats blend well with people of all sorts of backgrounds (even of those who don't speak English and can't understand a thing on what she sings about).

I landed in Miri about 2 hours ago, after spending a 2-days weekend getaway at KK with Hilmi and Jiha. The trip was good, we managed to visit the places that I did not visit the last time I was in KK and of course, i was accompanied by sweat on every part of my sticky body on the day we had the city tour.

In short; an observant traveller must think that KK tries to hard to be on the upbeat (and at times I think so too), but I think I will cut KK some slacks because needless to say, the leaps it had was all in the name of tourism. I love the tourism industry and only because of that, I will give KK a pat on the back.

I blog-hopped few minutes ago and came across an interesting blog (actually the blog is more of a 'descriptive photo blog'... I think that's really smart). Anyway, I came across a photo of Queenstown in the blog and suddenly a gush of old memories streamed down my mind on how I was once helplessly in love with Queenstown. I can't describe it all here, as that would take another 3 hours of writings... but i am glad i came across it and managed to dig out a deserted corner of my mind that once hold many very fond memories (oh by the way, I did my bungee jumping and skydive in Queenstown too).

I miss Sydney. I really don't know how I have managed to live happy for almost 2 years without her now. I guess time does heal all pain. Did you know that I was extremely sad and broken in the inside beyond words could ever explained on the day I left Sydney for good? It felt like a break up. As if I just ended a really meaningful and irreplaceable relationship with something virtually alive. It really did. Oh well...

Good night!

like i'm the only one?

2010-11-23T00:36:00.003+11:00

"Muhammad! You're always late!" - those 4 words spoken by a friend were probably the most piercing reality check I've had this year. And it cuts deep. Of course, my stupefied face knocked some guilt into him and then he spent the next 15 seconds explaining to me on how the whole statement was supposed to be a joke, JUST a joke.

but i know that ain't any joke. it's true, i AM always late. i am NEVER early (of course), but the sickening part is that I am always NEVER punctual even! if you don't suffer any crisis in time management, you'll probably yawn at this very paragraph, but only late-comers understand on how desperately they don't want to be the... well, 'late-comers'. ('late-cummers' are undeniably a really good thing, but that's another story).

if i am supposed to be somewhere by 8pm, i should actually put aside a certain amount of time prior to that, sufficient enough for me to get dressed or have a shower, and lock the house and to have some safe moderate-speed driving to my destination.

but i am always trying to squeeze in other things. i'll still go to the gym at 6pm for one hour, and then reach home exhausted and have a mini break for about 20 minutes, and then surf the net for a while and then puff a bit (just to get energized, really... how lame am i?)... doing so many other things thinking that i'll still be able to catch that 8pm agenda. but once all those 'errands' are over, the clock cruelly shows me of the remaining 15 minutes left before 8, and BAM!, i arrived at where i was supposed to be 30 minutes later. again, i was the 'late-comer'. it sucks, and the suckier part is, i never seem to learn from my lesson. this keeps happening and happening and it's driving me nuts.

on an unrelated note, i hate to work in the office with people who likes to 'act important'. seriously, get a life (and colour your white hair, you're only 25! for that matter).

take it off

2010-11-18T02:17:00.002+11:00

Miri generally has two things in excess; rainbows and stray dogs. it's true, i have probably seen more rainbows and stray dogs in Miri than I had in anywhere else I've lived. i like one of them and hate the other. guess which is which?

i'm thinking you're guessing that i like the rainbows and hate those stray dogs (and why wouldn't you, since we're all trapped in the Gen-Y feverish and ambitious demand of thinking that we do have a lot to smile about in this world... ok please ignore me as i'm not making any much sense here)... and that guess is WRONG.

i like the stray dogs and i hate the rainbows. again, i'm guessing that you don't want to know why, but i'll explain anyway. stray dogs make me feel that i indeed, have a lot to be thankful for. when i see them, i instantly thank Allah for my home, my clothes, the food that i've had and of course, for the fact that i am not wondering and straying around aimlessly.

rainbows on the other hand are pretentious. it's almost as if they start from one end and swooped like a superman to another far end of the sky, telling everyone beneath that life's a beauty, all worldly conflicts can be resolved if you understand love and always put your neighbour first (even when you're living on minimal needs and they're the one gloatingly driving a 7-series around town). rainbows are pretentious, they're the source of all the ridiculously happy myths that all kids craved for and they're not that all very pretty.

anyway, i can't help but noticed that my younger sister is now happily 'married' to a guy called Naim Zolk (she's happily married in facebook, of course). true enough, i don't know him, although he did friend requested me in facebook and i haven't had the time to approve yet (although i do spend an averagely 2 full hours on facebook per day), but he slashed me as to be the kind of guy that i wouldn't like should we happen to be the same age. and please tell me you understand what i have just said.

since now i'm always traveling back and forth between KL and Miri, i can confidently said that i have grew accustomed to how all these checking in procedures work. i don't usually 'rush' to the airport anymore (unlike my father, who'd prefer to be at the airport 3 days before the flight departure time, just because we need to be 'on the safe side'). usually checking in 20 minutes before departure work for me, provided that i pretended to be on an intensely panting mode and behaved as if my lungs are about to fail me (from the effect of running like a crazy person) and of course, a handy excuse will always do you a favour.

"Sorry, my tyre gave me problem... of all the days it could, unfortunately today was chosen "

"Sorry, I had the worse diarrhea today... I don't usually check in this late, sorry Miss!"

"Sorry, I mis-read the ticket... i accidentally read a 1745 departure time as 7.45 pm!"

the third one's a genius, and will always work for you.

in conclusion, i have to check in on time, i can't stop my younger sister from growing up, and i actually prefer the rainbows to stray dogs. good night!

i want to sing like david cook

2010-11-05T04:57:00.005+11:00

a thought stroked my absent mind on how i've been blogging less and less these days. and this is not good, considering i have once decided to be a smooth writer all through the remaining years i have in life. less blogging means i am now practicing less to write, which means the day will soon arrive when i will find it hard to translate my inner world into writings. and that is also, NOT GOOD.

and one more thing, i realized that my recent posts had not been those of 'happy ones', and i hate to leave my readers thinking that life has been cruel to me, and i was, and still at the brink of falling apart.

yes, i have my ups and downs, but the truth is i am generally happy now, and alhamdulillah, i thank Allah for that.

i used up all my remaining annual leave and flew to europe in october, to be with my family for my sister's graduation. i was sort of trying to travel on a tight budget, but it's always a good thing when you go somewhere with your parents because their wallets became partially yours and on top of that you still have your wallet solely for you; for the purpose of spending money purchasing things that will further clutter your room, gather more dusts and stuff that you 'don't quite need'. and trust me, i journeyed my life attempting to be excellent in that area :)

anyways, i visited london, stockholm and paris. in short, london strikes me as to be a very successful city, stockholm is probably the most liberal capital in the world and paris is downright beautiful and i envied those people who gave their other halves the kiss of love at the top of eiffel tower (yes, that tower).

london is definitely a megalopolis of people, ideas and energy; it is truly multicultural and i secretly prayed to Allah all the time while I was there to be given the chance to live in that vibrant city. i just knew i had to live there, as being alive for 70-80 years and not spending a few good years in london will make me feel as if i haven't experienced enough (and that's why i envied my sister). london is noisy, full of bustling easily recognized taxis and red buses, every corner of the city seems to have a picture-postcard shot and every countries in the world seemed to have make a mark there. i believe that every 'city person' yearns to be somewhere that resembles london. this is not an overstatement, as i once heard somewhere that 'those who are tired of london, are actually tired of... life'. sigh.

stockholm is calm, serenely beautiful and is inhabited by truckloads of well-educated and open-minded citizens. like london, the city can be quite dirty towards the later parts of the day, but by early morning, all dirts and rubbishes has been taken care of, and stockholm is then again awakened as the capital of the scandinavians. unlike londoners, sydney-siders, parisians and new yorkers, stockholmers don't quite make a bragging point to the world on how proud they are of their capital, although i can feel that deep inside them they would rather be there than anywhere else. and why shouldn't they? gamla stan and djurgaden are probably two of the most beautiful and worth visiting places in the world. and particularly tonight, i miss stockholm. thank you Allah for giving me the chance to experience what stockholm has to offer.

the third city i visited was paris. and instantly i understood on why they called it the 'city of lights', and i felt a churn in my stomach for finally setting foot in the capital that attracts the highest number of visitors in the world (45 million tourists awed themselves first hand in paris, last year alone). i don't think paris is quite as successful as london, but the rivalry is there, and it's definitely a race worth noting. buildings are all well preserved, la defence (the new and modern paris) reflected itself very well against the backdrop of old paris (where eiffel, arc de triomphe and the louvre are located at). parisians are proud of their city and i can tell that they enjoy the spotlight the world freely bestow them with. for a split second i thought that i should live in paris too, and absorb all the beauty of its people and their artistic sense (and of course, to smoothen my french). but by that time i sorta knew that i have been asking probably a bit too much from Allah, hehehe.

i love all three cities, but probably i prefer paris a tiny bit more than the other two. remember that, just a tiny bit more.

my list of european cities i wish to visit next? well, i'd be lying if i said i don't want to visit them all, but for the sake of goal-setting, i will list down 10 okay? and they are; Oslo, Munich, Rome, Madrid, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Venice, Budapest, Lisbon and Athens. (phew, that took quite some time to choose).

and don't worry Sydney, i still love you. you are so far, the biggest love of my life and i don't know what i'd do without you. i'm just having an after-party flings with all these european cities, but at the end of the day, i'd still choose to marry you. :) :) :) (and i just gave you three smiles).

the city of red buses!

2010-10-22T18:21:00.001+11:00

bye bye London, hello Stockholm!

Nova Scotia sounds classy, no?

2010-09-18T21:58:00.003+10:00

Warning: This will be a very anger-stricken and emotionally driven post. At least that's how I feel this post will translate to.

________

1. If you dislike angry, sad and somewhat whiny post, then this post is not for you to read and it would be good if you can hop on to another page at this instant.

2. If you feel that you don't have what it takes to not judge, or ridicule or then look at me as being nothing more than an immature and whiny overaged baby after reading this post, then this post is not for you too.

Lately, I have been saying my thank you to Allah less often, and all I do is complain and find faults within other people. Maybe not just other people, but I find faults with absolutely everything my currently deflated mind can think of. And I do mean everything.

I seem to have successfully reserve a large bank of hatred towards everything as well, and it's driving me nuts. I don't know why suddenly I hate all of the world and its contents, but these days (more than ever) all I can think of is how rude people are, how narrow their minds are, how they don't know what they're saying, and how horrendously ugly something appeared to be, how boringly dead of a place my hometown is, how annoying the traffic is etc etc etc. trust me, the list wont stop.

And I'm starting to think that maybe, maybe I am not happy. I really am the kind of person who doesn't waste my waking hours 'searching for happiness', as I prefer to let myself just pass by the moment and remember what I want and ditch what I don't. To me, trying to measure your level is happiness is absurd, too philanthropic and is best reserved for someone who looks at themselves as artistes. I mean, 'artistes'. All these while, I believe the happiest of all people are those who just don't meddle too much in the 'searching for happiness' agenda, and they're happy without they realizing it. And that's exactly why all kids are generally happy.

But lately, I am starting to reflect a bit too much, and I have learned on how to look at myself from external point of views, and that is one damned skill that I swear I never should have acquired... because it does nothing and only lets me know how actually miserable, complicated, uneventful, plain and unoriginal my life is. And I got tangled up even worse in my quest trying to brush off all this thoughts.

Maybe it's the stress of work, I don't know. In fact, I don't think so because my nature of work is not that of a stress one, honestly... this is where this post ends because I am just not in the mood to continue writing.

Malaysia Day

2010-09-17T05:06:00.002+10:00

I still firmly believe that to materialize further the spirit of 1Malaysia, our country's birthday should be finalized as to be either 31st August 1957 (National Day) OR 16th September 1963 (Malaysia Day). It's going to be a whole let more unified, a whole lot more consistent and less time consumed with all the debates being kicked around, if we also can collectively agree on the age of our country Malaysia, are we 53? Or are we 47 years old?

I am also strongly inclined towards the sudden burst of explanations that side on 16th September 1963. If my citizenly opinion is counted (and one day I will demand it to be after I cast my vote and finally paying 'real' tax), Malaysia Day/National Day is on 16th September of every year. National Day, the term some people still blatantly refuse to let go, will not be truly reflective if we consider it to be on 31st August of every year. Better still, we should only use either Malaysia Day OR National Day, as two names residing on two different dates is another confusion that we just do not need.

31st August of course, will never be forgotten, and I am not suggesting any diminishing effect on its importance. It still is a day that brought people all over the Tanah Melayu together to take a patriotic walk down memory lane and delve into deep pensive on how our forefathers struggled and bled themselves dry to gain Independence.

Sabah and Sarawak gained their Independence on 31st August 1961, and this fact is unknown to so many Malaysians, and it doesn't cross the mind of the people in peninsular that this might offend the Sabahans and the Sarawakians. This also means that deeming Malaysia as a 53 year old independent country is also technically incorrect, as Sabah and Sarawak are two years younger.

Although eventually 31st August of both 1957 and 1963 were the Independence dates, but 31st August as a date does not sufficiently reflect the true spirit of 1Malaysia.

1Malaysia should be remembered based on the date when more than 60 ethnics at that time have decided to look past religion differences, skin colours, cultural practices, socio-economical backgrounds etc, and to unite under the name of Malaysia, hoping for collective betterment for everyone. And that decision was made official on 16th September 1963. And that also means Malaysia is 47 years old (and 53 years old is only indicative to Peninsular Malaysia/Tanah Melayu).

Just to let you know my 2cents. Cheers :)

Eid Fitr

2010-09-09T03:50:00.003+10:00

Tomorrow will be our last day fasting in Ramadhan, insya Allah. Hence in the spirit of welcoming the joyous month of Syawal, and in all triumphant tone that I could offer to Muslims who succeeded in keeping their morale high throughout Ramadhan; overcoming temptations and allocating more time to retire to a state of mind in remembrance of Allah more, I would like to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Here's to your victorious month of Ramadhan (I don't count myself as having a victorious Ramadhan, but to the rest anyways), here's to spending more time with your loved ones and here's to rekindling the fading or withering relationships with families and friends, and of course, here's to the spirit of Raya.

More importantly, I would like to sincerely apologize everyone (that may be reading this) should I have wronged you in ways more than one. It was never my intention to hurt you, and I do hope you can forgive me as I have you.

I am not perfect; I realize that sometimes I can be a bit too rude, or too candid. Or sometimes my mouth uttered words that I wish it hadn't. Or sometimes my actions may have caused pain to you in obvious ways. or ways that human can't quite explain. Or sometimes I didn't deliver as what I have promised. For all that, I am truly sorry. Your forgiveness is what I seek, and they're what I direly need.

Have a blessed Eid again everyone, and do take care of yourselves.

Nobody.

2010-09-06T02:12:00.002+10:00

mocking them and thinking you're better is pathetic enough.

and not getting your texts replied by the girl whom you thought you've snatched from a friend is even more pathetic, beyond any description.

hanky panky in clubs is so 21. you're better than that. i won't give any uptake on morals (since I lacked in them, too), but you have got to have some class.

typos are annoying. it's actually a surface indication on just how really messed up your life and mind are.

i think everyone in their working ages sure does agree that paying off credit cards' debts is a highly prioritized goal. an even higher goal would be to be debt-free.

she abandoned me right after i cut my hair short. i can tell that.

and please don't announce every damned thing about your life on facebook statuses.

btw, i'm following katy lim li lian's facebook now.

Dirty Picture

2010-08-30T05:22:00.003+10:00

I'm back in my bedroom in Miri now, after leaving for Seremban a few days ago. It's becoming a monthly routine already, to fly out of Miri on Friday evening, and then back here via the last flight on Sunday and then letting insomniac taking charge of myself, leaving me dysfunctional and melancholic for the working Monday that soon beckons. And they're all because of the idea-sucking two hours flight.

It's just all so dramatic, considering I didn't cross any time zones, and there wasn't any jet lag involved.

The good news is however, is that I came back to Miri with my Country Road tote bag filled up with new stuff, of which they were all carefully folded and laid as to avoid any crease of new clothings or deformation of any semi solid items. My family had been generous enough to purchase me many quality goods while they were in the Europe, and all of them has a place in my life; I can now don fabrics that I am not yet sick of for future casual outings, and some fine items to be displayed at strategic corners of my future home(s).

Another good news is that I've successfully sorted out some of my old items (the previous post was partially written on how hard it is for me to say farewell to my old possessions, but I pulled through this round), and placed them all in many boxes to be given away. Clearing your stuff is sort of like clearing your mind. The less you hoard, the less space is consumed on your mind. Literally and figuratively.

Another yet good news is, Yamud is now back in Malaysia for good! (hip hip hooray!). Now my phone calls to him won't be as pocket-draining as before, we are now just literally a short flight away from each other. I reckon he will venture through the same outburst like I did when I first arrived here for good, and I hope his journey of acquainting himself with the country, especially KL will be a smooth one. And fast. Don't worry bro, I totally hear you. Yes, drivers don't hit the brakes to let the pedestrians cross the road here, and some oftenly-frequented roads are ridiculously filled with lopak air (like how Cambodia is blessed with the many landmines). But just think of all the nice array of foods that are available here at cheap prices, and how all of your life friends are also back in the country, and how we have over-zealously confident people entering Malaysian Idol (only to make a fool out of themselves), and the Sunday Pancaindera really does tell you on who is dating someone else's husband. Just don't include the public toilets in the mental passage bro, it will ruin everything else I've mentioned.

I've been using my Macbook Pro for almost a year now. And I still find new amazing stuff I can do with it. This is exactly why I've always believed in expensive gadgets. They're just too insanely packed of creative features and full of surprises (of course the first surprise onboard hit my wallet about 11 months ago, when I was bringing it out to pay for a lightweight item that costed me almost 2 months of my salary).

Don't you ever, I mean, EVER, try to separate me from my Macbook Pro. We're meant for each other, and I have been congratulating myself every waking hours since the day I bought it. And my Macbook Pro has a name, I call her... (yes, you guessed right)... Sydney. A pretty name for a pretty creation.

By the way, I constantly find myself having taik mata on my eyes these past few days. At all times of the day. So weird. Or maybe I should stop overdosing myself with sleep?

Steel Magnolias

2010-08-25T23:54:00.003+10:00

Tomorrow will be my final day having to go offshore within this few strings of weeks. At the risk of stating the obvious, tomorrow will also be the final day of my torturous and full of struggle 'mind over mattress' battle, and yet another horrendous 2 hours boat ride just so I can reach an offshore installation that is only 48 kms from shore. And if everything turns out right, tomorrow will also hold a glorious ending, insya Allah.

And on Friday I'll be giddy the whole day waiting for my evening flight back to Seremban to meet my mother and the younger siblings after more than a year of not meeting them. And Steel Magnolias is now the movie of which daily 30 minutes dose of it is critically needed to keep me sane. The lines are all hilarious and I never knew that there are ways to actually stay glamorous, sarcastic and witty and surrounded by friends when you have reached that post-menopause chapters in life.

I've always wanted to be really apt or skillful in photography. I actually browsed through the internet to read strangers' photography blogs and another dozens of strangers' facebook profiles for those precise and fresh moments that they successfully captured.

Once all this mounting workload from office is over, I planned to spend my last 10 days of Ramadhan spring cleaning my room. I swear every corners in this room seem to hold a decent amount of dust that I'm fairly worried that it might fly into my nasal passageways and choke me to death while I am asleep. And the room layout is dull and uninteresting and sometimes they just reminded me that the only thing worse in this world is the lame Senario daily sitcom (I was never a fan of such bollocks and seriously, how really bad were they?).

I'm set for yet another room with postcards all over and maps of places that I've gathered since yesteryears. And behold, I'm starting to identify all the stuff that I no longer need, and I shall toss them or donate them away. I just need to carefully justify all the emotional attachments I have towards them, before getting ready to part permanently with them.

It's good to be dry, or to have very little sense of attachments to your belongings. I for one, am guilty as charged when it comes to feeling difficult in saying goodbyes to my possessions. I am still a hoarder, but it was way out of control back then. I even collected my cigarettes packs and arrange them in a vertical structure in my bedroom 3 years ago, simply because I couldn't toss them away!

But there's no way you can keep up with such habit. As you grow older, you bring in more stuff into life, and you have to decide which is being replaced and bid farewell to them. I have reached this stage where I feel that it's always easy to travel through life light.

Be selective, and I mean really selective, in choosing which possessions stay, and the rest shall have to go. And once you have decided to dump them out of your life, just think that you are actually making space for newer stuff.

Similar to a phrase by a stranger in his blog "Once I dumped, I don't look back".

side by side.

2010-08-16T23:12:00.004+10:00

It has been the sixth day of Ramadhan, and so far I've spent 3 of them successfully fasting at an offshore platform installation, alhamdulillah.

Of course it was no breezy, I had to succumb to an entire different level of unusual dehydration (the first day was the worst since I missed sahur and didn't manage to gulp the 1 liter of mineral water like always) but I passed. Alhamdulillah. Tomorrow I will be in the office for a meeting that will suck probably 5-6 hours of my precious working hours, and then I will be back to the offshore platform for another 5 days of fasting. I pray to Allah for yet another 5 days of coping strategy and I must tell you that everytime nearing Maghrib, I had my eyes fixed to the skyline, anxious and impatient (but a controllable kind of impatience) to see sun disappears so that I could just immediately drain my throat with a drink that has never tasted so refreshing and rejuvenating and sweet like any other before.

It wasn't the hunger that made me look at my watch constantly, hoping for another hour to pass by. But it was the scorching sun and the immense thirst and the physical demands of walking here and there chasing people in the middle of an environmentally-damaging offshore platforms that really made me think twice of whether I should continue fasting for the day or not.

By the way, the clock moves twice slower when you are offshore. It really does.

I've spent the last two Ramadhans not fasting to the required number of days by a reasonably huge margin. So having decided to fast full time for a whole month this year surely seems like a huge leap and an unparalleled tough challenge. But you know what made me carry on? The satiated feeling at every iftar (wherever it may be at; offshore or onshore) after successfully ignoring temptations and whatnot. And also, I've ben seeing many men in their late 40s who still don't fast, and there is no way in the world that I would ever want to be like that. Hence I decided to start acquainting myself with the routine of Ramadhan this year, so that it won't seem like a total struggle anymore in future years, insya Allah.

On a lighter note, I received yet another postcard from my friends who have been traveling around Sydney! Muchas gracias to Alia, Idzani, Yamud and Anwar. And yes Alia, I am quite aware that this has been the third postcard you mailed me within the past 2 months, and insya Allah I'll return the favour soon.

I don't know why, but there is this one thing about my Sydney friends and I. We can not have enough of postcards, we collect them and paste them on walls, we definitely love receiving them, and we love sending them out. Especially while traveling. I love receiving postcards so much that I even sent them out to myself a couple of times before while I was on the road. And I pretended to be surprised whenever I received them in the mailbox after reaching home, reading them will full enthusiasm as if I had no idea what the travelled place was all about.

I am pretentious, so much so and very dangerously that I even have no problem pretending to my ownself. haha!

Welcoming Ramadhan

2010-08-11T00:58:00.002+10:00

The Azan for Maghrib prayers about 4.5 hours ago calls for all of us Muslims out there on the beginning of yet, another Ramadhan.

For the past few days I've stumbled across many uproars wrapped in excitement and contentment; through flying emails, facebook statuses and joyful words of mouth on how people are giving their all out on embracing the arrival of this holy month. It's a month where all your good deeds, even the simplest ones, will be doubly and triply rewarded, and all the devils are chained hence leaving only behind human's lusts and temptations as our sole enemy, and how Allah generously open up all doors on forgiveness for those who repent.

I can understand then, all those maddening uproars. It's simple; instead of receiving 5% interest for every dollar you cash in, Ramadhan is the month where the interest goes rocketing high up for every dollar deposited. In case you're not following, I was laying down an analogy from a simple fiscal point of view.

On the contrary, and trust me, I feel bad for writing this down... I am scared inside, and I can feel the anxiety rampaging every corner of my mind at the thought of Ramadhan looming nearer and nearer. Why?

This one is also simple. Because I'm weak. I am so caught up by the thought of feeling thirsty at 12 noon (with another 6 hours to go before break fast), at the thought of having to be at offshore for 13 fasting days, with all the platform shutdown work, on how I can't concentrate my mind to not smoke, and how unenthusiastic I will be generally (just because I need to preserve my energy level), waking up for sahur etc etc etc. I am impatient and dandy and short-sighted and lack self-control. To sum it all up, I am just weak.

However, I pray to Allah so that He will bless me with enough courage and strength and motivation to continue with this holy fasting practice. I hope I won't miss a single fasting day. I also hope that I am able to finally be wise and take a 180 degrees turn in my tainted view; Ramadhan is not actually a month where you are deprived or are told to be thirsty and are encouraged to live with a half-empty willpower.

It is a month of character-building. Whenever I feel the urge to drink and smoke (in hidden spaces), I will remind myself of all the grace and rezeki Allah has showered me with. I will remind myself on the reward from Allah if I hold on to just another few hours. I will by the hour, and practice patience. Insya Allah.

I wish all of you a happy and blessed Ramadhan :)

Guys, Girls and Erna!

2010-08-08T11:15:00.002+10:00

Brunei, here we come!

all that stuff and more

2010-08-05T22:12:00.002+10:00

Seriously, why don't you just disappear?

1. Your ex and you: my ex is non-existent.

2. I am listening to: 1979 of Smashing Pumpkin. Am I just outdated or what?
3. Maybe I should: start taking shower and call it a day already?
4. I love: daydreaming.
5. My best friends: are not here in Miri.
6. I don’t understand: why there are so many types of bearings?
7. I lost my respect for: people who doesn't walk their talk.
8. I last ate: maggi goreng.
9. The meaning of my display name is: the praised one.
10. Someday: i'll live in London. and be happy.
11. I will always be: indecisive.
12. Love seems: not very important, for now.
13. I never ever want to lose: my family and my enthusiasm.
14. My myspace is: abandoned.
15. I get annoyed when: people are so full of themselves.
16. Parties: something i occasionally look forward to.
17. Kisses: tells how a person feels about another person.
18. Today I: will plan for a better tomorrow.
19. I wish: for a job that I can't wait to leave my bed for. but i'm grateful with my job now, alhamdulillah :)

i need another story lah...

2010-08-03T22:20:00.002+10:00

Today and yesterday has been good. Nothing fun/funny/sexy happened actually (notice I said 'good', and not 'great'), but everything has been good.

I've been attending my skill group training on Rotating Equipments, I finally bought an alarm clock that could possibly wake the whole town up with its imploding ringing for the sole purpose of waking me up (my ear is deafening, thank you very much), I have figured out my financial planning for the next few months (and of course thanks to the law of the universe, I somehow managed to squeeze in the new shades from Hugo and Rayban and a pair of wicked new sneakers for my next traveling) and a new contract I'm initiating at work has finally reached its final stage of cost estimation before bidding begins.

Everything has been good, alhamdulillah.

Oh, except for the fact that I, again, had to encounter possibly the 6th or 7th people within the past 7 days who doesn't have the slightest sense of gratitude and they simply do not know how to say' thank you' after being assisted with some stuff in life.

Which brings me to my next issue (but don't worry, I still think that generally the past 48 hours has been good).

If you're over 25 (and these people definitely are over 25, judging from the fairly visible thin lines on their arrogant faces), it's time for you to join the rest of us in the world and learn how to say 'thank you'. I hate to remind you this, but you are not more privileged than any of us, and this world doesn't revolve around you.

Seriously, if you really don't know when to be grateful, please put aside some 50 - 60 dollars for your miserable self and purchase a book on etiquette. The thicker, and older and more hidebound the book... the better. Failure to be grateful implies that you just don't have the littlest care and this will have bad implications on your reputations.

Please put aside your ego and understand the fact that sometimes people do go out of their way to help you. Their helpful actions are sometimes time-consuming, energy-draining and often cause them some sort of an uneasiness to a certain extend.

There's no harm with living side by side with manners. If you still think that good manners, thoughtfulness and courtesy oppress you in some ways, or is inappropriate and unnecessary (just like some 16 years old think), then from the bottom of my heart, I have 4 words for you... Grow the hell up!

August Rush

2010-08-01T15:04:00.002+10:00

How is it that it's August already?

I've been in my room for the entire day so far (albeit it has just entered the 13th hour of the day). I can't wait to get out of here and start looking for a cheap shoe repair shop. But Mr. Plumber seems to have everything falling apart on his way to my abode, hence I try to make the wait worth while by making the best of what I can with an apple and two tomatoes. Well, I try not to mention the 3 or 4 cigarettes that I have consumed while I'm munching on those fruits. It's just so ironic, it's like I'm trying to supply enough minerals and vitamins to my skin but at the same time I'm poisoning it again with carcinogens and rampaging its elasticity with every damned puff. But then again, it's not quite life if you don't counter any positive energy with an equal, if not more, negative ones, right?

I will quit smoking one day. Motherfucker.

Anyway, as boring as today might turn out to be, I sort of have everything planned out. I aspired to wake up at 10-11am every Sunday morning (check!). Then i can't wait for Mr. Plumber to fix that leaking drain beneath my personal bathroom (should I have RM3k now, I so would spend every penny of it for the said bathroom's renovation), and then I plan to drag my feet all around Miri Town to actually find a decent shoe repair place. I somehow pity the guy who will soon stitch up the back sole of my gym shoes; it's filthy and smelly and looks like I've been intentionally bathing it in an endless mud stream on every alternate days.

And please remind me to give my sister a call tonight. I need to carefully lay out some instructions for her as I am about to purchase a 100 pounds worth of photography equipment. Dear God, please give me the time to come back home so I can actually see her during her short trip back to Malaysia.

It feels weird sometimes. My brother used to be the only one who stayed in Malaysia, and all of us in the family would be sending bulk emails to him, letting him know of all our trips back to Malaysia. And now, that I am back in the country, it now turns out that I am the 'local' guy and all emails concerning everybody's trip back home is now addressed to me. Except that I'm not exactly 'local', I'm stashed here in Miri so i cant quite exactly clean the house or sweep the porch in my anticipation to ensure that the family house is clean for their arrival.

By the way, my brother left Middle East for good, and he is also now another 'local' guy in the family. to Abdullah, welcome home. I hope you'll be much happier here.

Revelation

2010-07-21T23:08:00.001+10:00

The fastest way to recovery starts with the dare to admit.

You have to admit that you have not been spending wisely. You have to admit that you have not been delivering. You have to admit that you have been fair to everyone. You have to admit that you have been distancing yourself from your family. You have to admit that you are hurt.

OMGITRHIFTBL? (Please help me to crack this code).

I need to stop planning and just start living. A second of it even... feels so much better. Imagine everyday course to be exactly just like that. Life is actually a bliss you know.

2010-07-19T02:07:00.002+10:00

As much as you don't want to see they leave, there are other people who can't wait for their arrival - on the other side of the map. Not that you need my approval, but as of now I am willing to let you go. Because I don't want to be selfish.

20 Random Things About Me

2010-07-14T23:22:00.004+10:00

Just because I am in the mood to be a bit self-absorbed, and also because I like to pretend that other people are dying to know more about me ;)

1. I have trouble waking up in the morning. I always miss my Subuh prayers and I come to office about 30minutes - 1 hour late (95% of the time). But I really hope to change on this.

2. Unlike many other males, I don't really follow soccer/football. This is one thing that I wish I can change about myself and I tried. But at the end of the day, I just couldn't be bothered.

3. I love traveling. One of my dream is to be able to take an unpaid leave for 365days and use up the entire year traveling the world. On a minimum budget.

4. I share my knowledge and I love doing so. In fact, I couldn't stand people who are kedekut ilmu.

5. I am not very attached to people. I am only truly attached to my nucleus family and my one best friend for the past 12 years.

6. I am a good conversationalist. In fact, I don't understand some people who doesn't know how to spark/create conversations.

7. I truly believe in the inner beauty of a person. This may seem like a lie to all of my friends as I didn't project myself and my behaviours parallel to what I just said, but it's true. To me, beauty is skin deep.

8. I enjoy writing and reading since I was young. I tend to do these 2 effortlessly.

9. I have had long-term major crush on 6 girls altogether in my entire life so far. But I only truly loved one of them.

10. I day dream a lot, especially while driving. I can't quite call it a day if I haven't daydream yet.

11. I always feel that I can do more. This is the major cause of my rocketing stress level these days.

12. Although I am no longer able to play the clarinet and can only play around 5-6 songs on the guitar, I am actually very inclined to music. I hear melody almost wherever I go to.

13. People have always said that I am self-absorbed. But the truth is, I actually put other people's needs ahead of mine most of the times. And I try hard not to hurt their feelings.

14. I care about the environment to a certain high extend.

15. I love languages. In fact I am trying to be able to speak and write and listen well in French and Spanish.

16. I am not a stylish person. But I believe that the kind of clothes that I put on are the best/most suitable for me there is in the market.

17. I love dancing. But I don't dance well.

18. I am a sucker for quotes. I often find myself surfing the net to find inspiring quotes. They help me to move forward.

19. Whenever I am stress, I drive.

20. I prefer to be known from a distance. I feel that the closer someone is to me, the higher the risk of them not liking me due to my many flaws.

such great heights, aren't they?

2010-07-12T00:13:00.002+10:00

Have I told you that I can spend literally hours and hours on the web to just surf some random strangers' blog? I'd be glued to their writings for days in fact, leaving a bookmark on my browser (temporarily of course) and reading all their entries with great interest.

And after a while I'd have learned that, for example, she owns a law firm and her bestfriends are called Tia and Mush and she splurges her money at Delicious for an expensive lunch thrice weekly and her favourite nephew is the two-year old Iqmal and she still lives with her parents and she always wear baju batik for hari raya and stuff.

Then, after feeling that I've known her well enough, I'll hop on to another blog that I find interesting and waste another gazillion hours there.

Had I used all those hours to actually read French... well, I could have watched Ma Vie En Rose without subtitles by now, I suppose.

Oh yes, Delicious really is a good dining place. I can imagine myself working in KL and having lunch there with my friends. Life feels so breezy.

Thank you Erna and Hilmi. I enjoy spending time with the two of you and hopefully we'll be good friends for a long time to come. Now Miri feels a bit like home to me, thank you.

Not that I care much, but I hope Spain wins the world cup final today. Viva El Espana! As one of my friend funnily puts it" no SPAIN no gain!"... (isn't that hilarious? hahaha!)

L is for the way you look at me!

2010-07-09T01:34:00.001+10:00

i think you will know what i mean if i tell you that love is worth nothing until it's tested by its own defeat. i felt i was being asked to love without being afraid of the consequences. i realized that love, even if it ends in defeat, gives you a kind of honour. but without love, you have no honour at all.

Just posting back one of my favourite quotes of all time. (Jiwang nyee akuuu....)

You'll be in my heart

2010-07-07T23:24:00.002+10:00

Dirah recommended me a song by Usher - You'll Be In My Heart (a remixed of the Tarzan OST). I couldn't get enough of it, hence the post's title.

I hate to say time flies, but it has been slightly more than a year that I have worked in Petronas and lived in Miri. I guess this is it now, my student life is truly over. Just over. I still have a hang of it of course, being one of the best times and highlights of my life, but life is not quite life if you don't fill it with good memories that don't last forever. It teaches you to be tough, and makes you embrace the beauty of moving on and letting go.

I am curious of what is next for me, I pray to Allah for the best. I am scared of being average, to tell you the truth.

But who doesn't, right?

I want to watch ATB's concert!

2010-06-16T22:32:00.005+10:00

I wouldn't have thought that I would one day say this; but I really find it to be an utmost and true struggle to keep a friendly and nice face whenever I'm talking to someone whom I can't stand at work.

I think what actually strained the relationship is due to unclear expectations that we have of each other. To one person I am just an overly lazy complacent bastard, and to me they're just slightly below that par that earns them the label "melancholic perfectionist".

And now I can slightly comprehend why people don't build personal relationships too much with their workmates in the office. Sometimes, talking numbers and meetings and datelines for an entire 30 years of working is just much safer and more convenient than actually taking off your guards and step into someone else's personal territory... Or worse, let them into yours.

But I'm kinda okay with that, I prefer to be known from a distance after all. It's just less hazardous.

I'm getting a new car in a few months time, and with a more reliable one, I'd be able to travel and have more road trips around Sarawak during any long weekends. The thought of doing that soothes me, as if a warm comforting fluid is harmonizing my entire body. It's like I am back to be acquainted with the old 'me'.

And I think that my writing skill is ridiculously deteriorating. And it scares the hell out of me. Seriously, what is a human, if one doesn't or can't write?

(No offense with the previous statement). You know deep inside I love you.

A few more weeks before someone leaves me (temporarily maybe, or for permanent). But that's alright, I've been through this before... What's another one, right?

(don't blame my sentimental ego, blame the rain outside).

vio-pipe

2010-04-07T01:12:00.005+10:00

i have been wondering what my alter-ego is like.

would it be someone who enjoys the colour red and sipping good drink while buried in contemporary pop melody, and wears skinny jeans for self-esteem enhancement and views traveling as a void-filler?

and someone who doesn't realize that they're happy, and at the same time has trouble getting up early and they were made complete with a poor hands-eye coordination?

oh, wait... that's me.

i want to be more career-oriented. i want to own a brand new car. i want a duplex before i turn 30. i want financial freedom before i turn 30, too. i want to be excellent in squash. and volleyball. i want to dance and sing well. i want to do a south east asia on a shoestring when i'm 26. and i don't need an alter-ego.

and yes, i am commitment-phobic (sorry ter-perasan macam orang putih pulak).

it's byron bay. not an ashtray

2010-04-05T21:50:00.004+10:00

ok usually non-smokers are more 'allowed' to point out the certain do(s) and don't(s) to us, fellow smokers. but that's unfair. why is it that it is generally unacceptable for smokers to take up the noble position once in a while and do the same?

yes i know, i too, for instance violate my lungs. i also, painfully attack my bodily cells, and your esophagus and those nasal passages with my perverted and disgusting public pollution and yes, they're not right. i terrorize my body and i am not much better than a rapist. until i come to my senses, i am the enemy.

yes, i've been told all these stuff before. i will deal with all that later.

but seriously, to my smokers friends; it bothers me to see that quite a number of people so easily toss their cigarettes butts around. the most confusing part is when the dedicated ashtray is just 2.5 feet away, and i still see the butts being flipped and pitched and thrashed onto the ground.

to smoke is one thing, and to act as if the ground is your butts' bin... well, that's quite another.

maybe you can... i don't know, throw the butts in where they're supposed to be in (ashtray)? or if there's no ashtray, maybe you can put them back in the cigarette box? or leave them first in your car? or ensure that the butts are completely fired out and wrap them in a, well let's say tissue paper and put it in your pockets first? baru lah civilized kan? ;)

don't litter the earth with your cigarettes butts. it's not cool :)

our earth is, well, our earth. it's not an ashtray.

ok now i've annoyed some of you. sorry eh? :)

ps: but really, what's the point of writing if i don't annoy some people once in a while?

i want to de-stress you

2010-04-05T03:12:00.006+10:00

50 Ways to Combat Stress. Hah! Life is Cute ;)

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier.

2. Prepare for the morning the night before.

3. Don't rely on your memories... write things down.

4. Repair things that don't work properly.

5. Make duplicate keys.

6. Say 'No' more often (not the attitudinal 'NO!').

7. Set priorities in your life.

8. Avoid negative people.

9. Always make copies of important papers.

10. Ask for help with jobs you dislike.

11. break large tasks into bite-sized portions.

12. Look at problems as challenges.

13. Smile more :)

14. be prepared for the rain. They can sometimes be bitchy, can't they?

15. Schedule a play time into everyday.

16. Avoid tight fitting clothes.

17. Take a bubble bath.

18. Believe in you.

19. Visualize yourself winning.

20. Develop a sense of humour.

21. Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better day.

22. Have goals for yourself.

23. Say hello to a stranger.

24. Look up at the stars.

25. Practise breathing slowly.

26. Do brand new things.

27. Stop a bad habit.

28. Take stock of your achievements.

29. Do it today.

30. Strive for excellence, NOT perfection.

31. Look at a work of art.

32. Maintain your weight.

33. Plant a tree.

34. Stand up and stretch.

35. Always have a Plan B.

36. Learn a new doodle.

37. Learn to meet your own needs.

38. Become a better listener.

39. Know your limitations, and let others know them too.

40. Throw a paper airplane.

41. Exercise every day.

42. get to work early.

43. Clean out your closet.

44. Take a different route to work.

45. Leave work early (with permission).

46. Remember that you always have options.

47. Quit trying to "fix" other people.

48. Get enough sleep.

49. Praise other people.

50. Relax, take each day at a time... You have the rest of your life to live.

uprising

2010-04-04T21:24:00.006+10:00

this is how the universe works. everyone you meet seems normal, until you finally get to know them. then only they seem not so normal anymore. they also wonder who else in this world are as different, or as abnormal as they are. you will even start to see that they too, have a long journey that they will have to venture through alone all their life. but i am fine with that. in fact, i love the truths this fact holds.

and oh, another thing about how the universe works. at the end of the day, you will get paid by what you do, not by what you know.

i think i'm turning the sipping grande hot caramel latte into a weekly agenda. of course, to be accompanied by the red book, just so that i have something to turn to whenever i feel the passers-by are no longer worth the watch. and also, to be accompanied by the week's music. and of course, the weird stares from other generally 23 or 22 year olds who think i am friendless.

i've longed for another family trip. however i might not be able to join them to Europe this coming July. Good for my eldest brother, I hope he will finally get to see Old Trafford Stadium first hand. however, i must be in London in October to see my sister graduates. she deserves the graduation flower more than anyone else i know. happy birthday to my eldest brother by the way.

some people i know are more comfortable with old problems, rather than with new solutions. aren't they aware of the fact that most, if not all, progress has resulted from people who takes up the unpopular positions and beliefs?

this is how it works in the office; first they will ignore you, then they will think that you are out of your mind, then you hear people associating you with the word 'dangerous'... and then all of a sudden, there's this tiny pause and the next second, you can't find anyone who disagrees with you.

with reference to my weekend; i don't expect them to understand me. why? because i know that we are so different, there's no way in hell they will ever get me. to them i am a confused little chap. but if they take the effort to dig deeper, they will find it that i am actually not bothered by what society thinks and i am laughing inside me at the thought of how small their worlds are. sorry, i just had to get that out of my system.

and Dirah, i have missed you a lot. i still think that i can live without you. but that'd be very, very, VERY difficult. errr, is that sweet enough?

some of people of whom i've thought about a lot these days. apesal lah semua kene duduk jauh2 now? dang!

tomorrow signals the start of a brand new week. well, that's another story i'd say.

spritzer

2010-03-15T00:34:00.002+11:00

Sometimes I wonder on whether have I actually own up to my life? Do I really take 100% responsibilities of my life? Most people I met claimed they do; except that they haven't given up on blaming and excuses are always around the corner. Of course, the same goes to me.

From this day on, I will own up to my life. I am holding the remote control of my life. I won't blame other people, or my boss, or the technical clerk, or the hangover, or the building's broken AC system, or the cat, or the weather, or my past, or that rude driver, or the food, or that leak on the ceiling downstairs. I don't control these elements, but I definitely can control my response, attitude and choices towards them. I am the force.

General Wesley Clark once said and I quote "It doesn't take any more energy to create big dreams, than to create a little one". Thank you General, you give me hope (GMH). So from now on, I will dream big and I am writing those dreams down and I will review them often. It's time to get my brain and my subconscious mind working towards them.

I won't sabotage my dreams anymore. I've always wanted a Duplex in the middle of KL by the time I'm 30, and I know that a duplex located in the city could easily shot up a million Ringgit. However, I will keep dreaming about it, and find ways within my values to achieve them. I won't sabotage myself by saying "Don't kid yourself. How on earth are you going to afford a mortgage that high 7 years from now?!". I won't say that to myself anymore. I am restructuring my vibe and aura into a positive light. I deserve to have everything in my life exactly the way I want it.

From now on, I will dedicate my days into enriching and empowering my life in these 8 categories:

1. My career progression.

2. My financial well-being.

3. My relationships with family and friends that matter.

4. My religion, and faith towards Allah.

5. My health and fitness.

6. My leisure time and my favourite activities.

7. My personal goals and self development.

8. The environment and the community I belong to.

Thank you Allah. Thank you Jack Canfield.

Am I There Yet?

2010-02-24T03:30:00.003+11:00

Thanks for being the person whom I enjoy missing.

Thanks for the being the friend whom I can spend hours and hours hanging out with.

Thanks for reminding me not to expect anything after a kind deed.

Thanks for letting me know that I will always have another soul to fall back on.

Thanks for being the kind of friend whom I want to see succeed more than myself.

Thanks for reminding me not to take life too seriously.

Thanks for making me realize that things do change between people.

Thanks for giving birth to me, hence life itself.

Thanks for making me your motivation in going through your days.

Thanks for trusting me with your inner fears.

Thanks for making me realize that I am capable of things I thought I never would.

Thanks for being nice.

Thank you, because of you, I now stay truer to myself.

Thank you.

big apple(s)

2010-02-23T03:54:00.002+11:00

Have you tried listening to the song 'Empire State of Mind (Part 2)' by Alicia Keys? It's not the more popular one where she sings it with Jay-Z, this song (the Part 2) is entirely by her alone. And of course, she plays the piano with it too. It's a good song, I spent my the entire past 2 days listening to it. She made me feel like really taking a vocal class. She also made me wish that I was a born and a bred New Yorker.

\Anyway\

I don't think I am vain. But I know some people really are. Quite a lot of the facebook profile pages that I came across were owned by souls that are really interested in themselves. They'll put up, sometimes, up to 20 photo albums, and all of the pictures in those albums are only pictures of themselves. And no one / nothing else.

And there will be a lot of comments beneath all those photos from other people of the same mindset, thinking that the ultimate scenario of photos-posting has been achieved; to only display an individual's outer beauty, and nothing else.

Of course, some people uses their online profile to really tell the whole world that 'I am pretty / handsome!', and after a while you will realize that there is all to their pages. And nothing else; you spent 1 good hour on their page even, and you still can't figure out what they like or what they do.

Of course, I am not saying that it's absurd to apply such belief. I, in fact, think that millions of other people put up an online profile simply for that.

But I personally prefer online profiles that are really used for network-expanding purposes, keeping in touch with family and friends, letting people know the surface growth of your life or simply as pages where your interest and passion are quite exemplified. For example, I enjoyed browsing through some friends' profiles, because they include elements of what they are passionate about; sports or writings or travels or music or design etc. I just think that's more fulfilling and more honest.

But then again, no one expects you to be honest, it's just an online profile. Show more of your ass and abs for all I care.

I miss Kuala Lumpur. I want to live there some day, with good friends and good income and in a nice apartment smacked in the city. I like how the city's backdrops fit well in almost every photography's background, how the people rushes of here and there, how everyone spend their after-work hours chillexing at all these cool cafes and bars etc. I even like the feeling of having to cramp the little hours left you have in a day with so many other things haha. It feels so city.

To all my readers, I miss you.

you're fat!

2010-02-12T23:32:00.005+11:00

I don't get it why some people I know always cast me the same surprised and sad look whenever they bumped into me walking alone in the mall, or at the cafe or anywhere else. Some of them even said stuff like "Kesian nya kau jalan sorang" or "are you having a problem?". Of course the more uneducated ones will just kept quiet and formed pathetic conclusion in their minds about me being friendless and unsociable.

They're such a bitch / male-bitch.

I know quite a lot of people who are scared to death about hanging out all by themselves and they struggle to find company all the damned time. They even go to the extend of rescheduling their time or not attending any important errands if that means they have to do some things along for a few hours.

They're such a bitch / male-bitch. And I actually pity them. A lot. I also hope they will grow old fat.

To me there's nothing wrong with spending your time alone, even for a lot of times. I think it's bravery and it takes a lot of courage. The most important thing is, not minding being alone means that you actually like yourself, and you want to spend time with yourself. I think that's sexy/cool/sexy.

I can go on about the truthful and deep reasons on why it's okay to hang out alone. But I prefer to talk about the surface and simple stuff.

And you, your look tells me as if I am an anti-social awkward guy who prefers mowing the lawn to making friends. Snap it off suckers, let me tell you something. I know how to make friends. I am actually likable. I've been told by people that they like hanging out with me. In fact, I think that I can make more friends in 2-3 months than you can in a year.

And that's why you're the bitch / male-bitch.

And if you think your life is more fulfilling just because you came across me walking alone 3-4 times a week while you're juggling between 3-4 friends at the same time, I have news for you. Your friends are not nearly as hot as me, and in fact, one of them looks like a fat lesbi** bit**. That alone, makes your life not as fulfilling as you thought it is.

I sat at a coffee shop alone, while rearranging my budget for the month / reading a classic literature with an iced milo in front of me. That's way hotter than you walking with 2 hideous tramps and 1 flat-nosed short guy with an 'artistic attitudinal' hobo t-shirt that doesn't quite scream 'fashion!'.

Ignore the previous two (2) paragraphs. That just got out (it's not me, it's my trapped superficial soul).

I like myself. I definitely like myself more than anyone else around me. It's not that I don't mind hanging out alone. But it's just that I want to hang out alone. Cheers mate, tah!

PS: By the way, if I see you dying by the street, I will still help you. Although my impulsive respond would be to pour acid in you throat and call your 'friends' to let them know that you need ambulance. And yes, please ignore this paragraph, too.

when you've already got me coming undone...

2010-02-07T16:01:00.004+11:00

I have a piece of 2 cents to share here. I think we should really limit the number of persons we can trust in our life. Believe me when I said that sometimes, having trust issues is even a good thing. Nobody in this world takes your secret as big as you do. Nobody understands the magnitude of your secret as you do. Nobody even understands what kind of consequences it has in store for you should everyone else knows about it as much as you do.

You tell someone something private about your life, and they assured you that it will not leave the table. But sooner or later, they will 'accidentally' mention it to their other good friends, or their lovers or even their family members, thinking that this second degree listener is trustworthy too. Well, maybe they are, but the point is clear. A secret told to you is only meant for you.

But they still think it's alright, because to them, they can trust this one more person with the secret and assurance were given there too. But the cycle keeps going on and on, and by the time you knew it, 5-6 people have already familiarized themselves with the private details of your life.

I have arrived to a conclusion that I can only trust completely 2 people in my life. I have many other good friends, but they unintentionally betrayed me as well. I understand that they didn't mean to hurt me, and I have not made a big deal about it inside me, but seriously, it hurts to know that someone whom I thought I could trust were airing my secret to someone else. Yes, I am not angry or anything to some of them (given the size of the friendship that we have and yes, I forgive quite easily) but at least now I know how the human minds operate.

No offense to anyone, I just need to clear this out from my mind.

And I wish I could undo all the mistakes that I have done for the past 7 months since I stepped foot in Miri. And sometimes I thought of leaving this place altogether, and start brand new somewhere else.

It has been a year and 2 days since I left Sydney. I wouldn't say that time flies, but yeah it kinda did.

The Memories of Your Kiss

2009-12-22T00:59:00.004+11:00

Memories are funny you know. It's one of the thing that makes you smile to yourself all of a sudden while you're driving your old Iswara alone, or makes you suddenly run faster on the treadmill when you thought the speed of 13.7 could have drained out all the energy inside you, or makes you stop in the middle of a meal because you need to browse through old phone texts just to help you to relive certain memories again.

But most importantly, my memories have given me the urge and strength to actually carry on moving forward, and in a weird way, they sometimes propel me further than the thought of my hopes, or ambitions.

Oh, now you know why I found it to be so hard to delete phone texts.

I once read that memories are one's only paradise in this world. The kind of paradise where one can never be kicked out from. That's real deep. Try reading the quote with the song 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson, and you might as well be on your way dialing me for crying tissues.

But the truth is, I seldom know on how lucky and great my life at any given moments are. I only start appreciating them after they've turned into memories. Sometimes when I'm having my time alone, and I remembered all the nice things I've encountered, I feel like a certain pain is surging my chest, and it's a feeling that mixes both pain and contentment. But overall, it's a good feeling and I want to experience that often. But I'm forgetting more and more pretty moments in my life, and that scares the hell out of me.

Sometimes, among the stuff that can really take your breath away is simply a memory of a seemingly ordinary event in the past. Then you started recalling it in a deeper sense, and that's when you realize that some unseen forces have just plucked the beat in your heart, and that is when your breath is taken away.

Wow 10 points to me for rambling, and yeah 10 points for you if you understood me.

To the people who has always been with me throughout my life, or at a specific point in my life, trust me, you are forever thanked an cherished. I know it is virtually impossible to keep in touch with everyone I've met, but it is certainly possible to at least keep you in my memories. Because you are all worth it.

Signing out.

I Wanna Grow Old With You

2009-10-13T03:57:00.005+11:00

I've actually forgotten that I own a blog, until I saw the word "Bygones" in a song lyric, and I went like, "Hey! I used to write in that!" (???).

Since i'll probably forget for another 5 months about the existence of this piece of skinny little thing, might as well I list down what has happened to me for the past 6-7 months, just so that friends could keep track with me and not removing me from their facebook friends' list. Hello friend!

1. I worked in Doha, and resigned. With no contributions, I still scraped one hell of a good pay slip.

2. Joined Petronas Induction, PIPE and it became the highlight of this year. My highlights are never real, so just ignore this point.

3. Moved to Miri and officially became a Malaysian workforce at PETRONAS Carigali Sarawak Operations.

4. Bought a used car (not telling you what model, MUNGKIN sebab malu), and rented a four-bedroom double storey terrace house with 3 other housemates.

5. Have been receiving 4 pay slips so far. But since I was obligated to give duit raya this year, make it 3 payslips lah.

6. Bought a 15.4 inch-screen MacBook Pro!

7. Bought an iPod Touch.

8. Got a new semi SLR camera, Canon G10 (Hey don't hate me yet).

9. Climbed to the summit of Mt Kinabalu (4095m above sea level)

10. Met 2 new possible bestfriends and some other cool people (but I'm way cooler, no doubt there).

11. Fell in love in Sandakan.

12. Warded in the hospital. Twice.

13. Made myself popular in Miri's Cherry Berrie and alFresco. And OH! Definitely in SOHO too.

14. Received my graduation scroll!

15. My external hard drive crashed, there goes all my photos and videos (if you feel me, please donate some money).

16. Got OVER Sydney. My BIGGEST achievement.

And no, I don't wanna grow old with you.

Forever 23

2009-03-30T09:32:00.002+11:00

I seem to can't get enough of Akon. It's either I have just discovered my ability to tune in with his negrito groove, or I have dangerously slipped down the musical totem pole for finally resorting to enjoying Akon's music or I am just plain sick with the rest.

I was warded on the day I turned 23. I had been looking forward to this year's March 26th, as I could finally be with my family after years (since KYS years starting in 1999) of being away from home. But I fell ridiculously sick and was lying on the bed with my elder brother being the only one in the room wishing me all that everyone would.

The doctor somehow found it to be utterly ironic that I was turning a year older on the very day that I found it hard to even breathe, due to my swollen liver and infectious intestines. But he bent over and said that it has been a very long time since he was 23. I had no idea why he suddenly said that. He told me to stay 23 forever. He would.

I guess for me, being 23 is exceptional. It was Michael Jordan's favourite number, and Beckham wore his jersey that bore this number, though it may seem for just a flick of an era (I don't know why I wrote this, Jordan and Beckham don't amaze me, I'm hardly a fan).

At the age of 23, I finally finished university, and for an instant I thought I knew a lot of things due to the completed four-years syllabus and I was really 'head to toe' on the world being my oyster. At 23 too I feel very unequipped and uninformed for not having yet to enter the career world. At this age, I feel that I should travel more and I am beyond convinced of the fact that I could survive anywhere in the world wherever fate lands me at. I am ambitious to acquire more new skills and yet I am stupified by the fact that the more I learn, the less I know. At this age, I am very optimistic of people and I have willingly decided to give everyone the second chance that they so well deserved, but I am also mortified with certain people's unacceptable behaviours and how I swore that I would never be like one.

I know that a lot of things happen and countless thoughts occur to people at all ages. But for me personally, with the what little milestone that I have endeavoured and the 'new stage' of life I am now embracing (post-uni years, adulthood maybe?), it seems that being 23 alone makes me want to improve in a lot of sense. It's not just 23, it's a new era for me altogether.

I don't feel like this before, but for once, I want to be at this age forever, being 23 feels good. Unless of course, I later discovered a nicer number to hook onto. Oh well, with all this mess on age...they're just numbers, afterall.

I'm sorry if you don't make enough sense from this particular post. You know you don't have to.

The March Rush!

2009-03-04T08:08:00.002+11:00

It has been almost a solid month since I last wrote something in this page. I have been half-hearted about this blog; it appears to be very old and unmodified and given that this blog so resembles me during my Sydney life is enough of an indicator that I probably need some alterations within it, to say the least. Or maybe a new blog, altogether? But browsing through the old posts has truly made me realise that I do grow and in ways more than one, I have truly changed a lot from what I was a couple of years ago. Probably that's the wondrous power of a blog; the old posts are meant only and only for you, just so you are able to recall on what consumes your mind and what tires your body in the yesteryears. And the funnier thing is, some of those matters appeared to be of utmost importance in those days, and yet they successfully appear to be petty and insignificant today. Am I just not stating the obvious?

Eversince I left Australia, I have lost a lot of self-touch within myself, and that includes translating perspectives and views I have throughout any given weeks into words. Would you believe me if I say that I couldn't stop thinking about Sydney even until today? Probably I did had the time of my life there, or probably my life did started there or maybe I was just a katak bawah tempurung, so amazed by the wonders of the outside world that whatever comes first in line (in this case, Sydney) strucked me speechless and emotional?

The 17 days I was in Malaysia was more like a series of event that I endured aimlessly to make the days pass quicker while waiting for my next flight to Qatar to meet my family. I managed to catch up with a few friends and settled a few important errands, but they all have now been diluted into unrecallable events as my mind was always occupied by Sydney all the time.

Now that I am in Doha for almost 2 weeks already, I have started to feel and see the hint of what I will be doing in the future and I am pretty much excited about it. I am more calm and stable and I have embraced the fact that once the time is up, there's nothing you can do about it. I have been here hanging out with my parents, taking things slower and furnishing myself with more elements that I believed would enrich me with more ingredients of life. In short, things are okay. And to those of you who lended your ears throughout me rambling about my ending Sydney escapade, I thank you and...thank you again.

So next would be massive job hunting days and Perhimpunan Agung UMNO (PAU), something I hope would be able to occupy me and give me some ideas and inspirations. Perhaps PAU would be the platform of when I would be able to get back in gear again, and no, this time not to prove myself (as I mindlessly did all these while, thinking that this is life is all about), but to just keep going forward and making the best of what I have of each days ahead.

And yes, to those Sydneysiders who contributed to me having a memorable summer, here's my thank you note again. And to the many friends I made along the trip, all of you truly were my saviour. All of you and the month-long trip that I took all by myself was something that I will cherish, hopefully, for the rest of my life.

Goodbye Sydney

2009-02-05T06:11:00.002+11:00

Today is February 5th 2009. I have been thinking about this day for a very very very long time. And now, it is finally here, into the 6th hour of the day. I will officially bid my final farewell to Sydney, a city like no other, as my flight back to KL is less than 9 hours away. It feels scary, to tell you the truth.

Well, I wouldn't say that I am prepared to leave this country, Australia. There are still so many things I want to do, and so many sights I wish I could get the chance to lay my eyes on. But I know, no matter how hard I fought for this day not to arrive, although virtually impossible it may seem, I know it draws closer to me by every ticking second, and I just have to face it.

It is not easy for me. More than anything else, I have fallen in love with Sydney. I have cultivated an undivided acceptance of her perfection and imperfection. I know no other city could rival her stunning harbour, and I realized that Sydney is actually kicking goals against the bigger boys, like London and NYC. There are always things to do around, and the sun has been very kind to Sydney for 9 months out of the whole year. Yes, I am aware that the price tags of every-god-damned-thing here has put on a death grip on my wallet, and how horrid the public transportations are when the rush hour gridlock kicks in, but still, I found it very...contented by just being here. Why? I don't know. Suffice to say, I am indeed in love with Sydney.

But I am aware that the time God lended me is up. It is now my turn to leave Sydney, making rooms for new people to get in and experience the kind of thrills Sydney can bestow them with. It's not a tragic, it's just that my number is up. Sometimes, I feel bad and guilty to KL, my birthplace, for the lack of awe I have towards her compared to Sydney. Probably because I had my first total freedom here in Sydney. Or probably because I discovered a bigger portion of myself here too.

Nevertheless, alhamdulillah. I am grateful for the degree I have obtained, the wonderful people I have met and fostered friendships with, the travelling I have done, the soul-searching and self-discovery I have made, and most importantly, the gratifying series of events that I have encountered which has successfully turned me into what I am today. Everything seemed to be so majestic, and essential. And they all took place in Sydney. I probably didn't make the most of the time I had here, but I would like to believe that I have reached a certain standard of excellence and confidence. Come to think back, Sydney has contributed this massive block of structure throughout the construction of my well-being.

Now is the time for me to give KL the long awaited chance that she so well deserves all these while, and who knows, I might fell in love with KL soon? God knows I need that to happen. But for now, Goodbye Sydney, thanks and sorry for everything and I WILL miss you. You truly, are special.

Monday, December 15th

2008-12-16T02:27:00.003+11:00

Today has been eventful, I'd say. I woke up at around 1 in the afternoon, thinking that I had the perfect sleep. Well I sort of did. The night before, I had the session with Rahman, and when our minds were so up in the air, he played all this rendition of songs that all people in their normal state of mind would find okay, but we found it highly soothing and melodious. Hence, the perfect night sleep.

At around 2pm, I gave Yus a call, to be greeted by the alarming news that we are supposed to finalise our stuff to be shipped back home to Malaysia by the night, although if I recall well, I thought that the finalisation should not be done until the next week. I was frantic; I haven't got boxes, I haven't decided on what to toss away and all in all, I haven't truly organize all my stuff properly that packing it to go back for good seems impossible!

I ran home to SUV from Bligh Towers and desperately multi-task myself into packing all my stuff, whilst running around Newtown in search of usable boxes and etc. When I thought that I'd have to ship my stuff alone at a later date (and paying all the taxes imposed alone!), as packing didn't seem feasible with my CK working shift at 6pm, I actually did it. Then it bugged me that Carrie Bradshaw took 3 days with the help of 3 friends to fold 2o years into 38 boxes. It took me less than 4 hours to pack up 4 years into 4 boxes, alone, with only Budin helping me in the last 40 minutes or so. Well, I guess I'm just not any New Yorker. White singlet and a 30 dollars Tsubi skinny has done me miracle!

(btw, if you missed the Tsubi sale at Paddington, which ran for some time and ended on Sunday 14th December, you have truly missed the wonders of SALE. My skinny dropped from the staggering AUD 250 to AUD 30, and so is Budin's, and Zarif's shade costed only AUD 80, and not AUD 400 anymore).

Work at CK was fine, it was quite boring that I couldn't even blogged about it.

Probably tomorrow I'll show Phil his carspace, have light breakfast with him, complete the sealings of all my 4 precious boxes, do some toning up at the gym and do the cleaning work from 4.30pm til 9.00pm. And oh! We're getting a new second-hand fridge tomorrow, which means I'll grow more muscles driving Izwan's van around. Perfect!

Why Red is RED

2008-12-12T17:58:00.007+11:00

I like the colour red. No, make it I LOVE the colour red. I'm sure some of my close friends are well aware of that, but for those of who lacked quality time with me, yeap, I had always loved red and I tend to choose red over any other colours.

I don't just like the colour because of the essence it holds, but I sort of see myself in the colour red. In fact, I've started realizing that I like red since I was four years old. It was a bit early don't you think? But it's true. I was so certain about the colour that I've shown great affinities towards red at such early age (Proof: in 1990, my father bought my siblings and I story books of the same title. Whilst my brother and sister received one each in green, I received one in red. When i asked my father why he gave me the book in red, instead of purchasing all 3 books in green, he said: Sebab Papa tahu Mamat suka merah. That was in 1990, and I was indeed, freaking fresh and only four years old. To top it off, my brother and sister didn't entirely favour green, but my dad just had no idea what colours to buy them, but he knew Mamat likes red).

The next few paragraphs are entirely self-absorbed, but I'm sure red-lovers all around the globe will nod their heads in agreement;

First of all, we, the red-lovers, don't understand why other people don't favour red. Why don't you like red? How can you not like red? We think that liking red alone is a great portrayal of a certain strong traits that we want to possess in our lives, that we wonder; how come other people don't want these traits, that we tend to view as extremely vital? The red-lovers will surely agree with this; once someone likes the colour red, it is almost impossible for them not to like red anymore. Hence, we don't understand statement like this; "Oh, dulu mase kecik, aku suke warne biru. Mase sekolah menengah, aku cam suke kuning plak. Sekarang aku rase fevret kaler aku ijau". Most red-lovers will go like wth? How can you change your favourite colour? Yes, we grew up too, and I for instance, has discovered that I like blue and black too, and green is okay and brown is not that bad either, BUT, red will always top the other colours.

Well, colour experts argue that red highly symbolizes ambitiousness, passion, attention, daring, strong, patriotic and outstanding. So I believe what colour you like, to a certain extend, speaks for yourself. In fact, red-lovers view the colour red as so prominent, that we can spend hours to talk about the colour red itself.

Consider this (all three colours were carefully chosen so that they all 'stand out' equally against the black backdrop of this blog. Of course, I can't choose white, the exact opposite of black, or else it wouldn't be fair):

I like blue.
I like red.
I like orange.

Of all the three, which do you think strikes your eyes as more dominant? Red, isn't it? (That's what I think, and I found it hard to believe if you don't think like that hahaha. But yeah, if you see that orange or the blue as more striking, please let me know. I'd love to learn new perspectives on how other people view other colours too ;) ).

Scientifically, of all the 64 million colours in the world, shades of red has the shortest wavelength. Which means, if all 64 million colours of similar intensity were displayed right in front of you, the colour red will take the shortest time to reach your eyes, and it will tend to stay longer on your retina cells. I find that amazing, you know, given that we are talking about 64 million colours here.

But then again, to be fair, not everyone has that kind of attitude in life. Some are more relaxed and laid back (blue-lovers), some tend to be more peaceful in their mind (green-lovers) and some likes purity (white-lovers). But still, most red-lovers will go like, Hmm, but why not red?

What come to your mind when I say; World's most popular sports car? Or, English Premier League's most talked-about football club? If you think Ferrari and Manchester United, like I do, well they're RED. Of course, there are always exception in every scenarios, so let's not argue to much on this.

But yeah, it's a free world, and all colours are beautiful. It'd be boring too if everyone likes red. So I guess it's good that the variations in humanity are exposed through colours too.

(But still, how come you don't like red?)

theBygones

2008-12-07T23:48:00.002+11:00

Muhammad,

Happiness deep down within,
Serenity with each sunrise,
Success in each facet of your life,
Family beside you,
Close and caring friends,
Health, inside you,
Love that never ends,
Special memories of all the yesterdays,
A bright today with much to be thankful for,
A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows,
Dreams that do their best to come true,
Appreciation of all the wonderful things about you.

Alhamdulillah, my utmost gratitude to Allah, for He has blessed me with the abilities to go through this stage of my life, this stage in The University of Sydney. Now that I've met all the grades requirements, I am just going to complete the remaining days here with optimism and grace. With or without Honours, I will leave that to Allah to decide, for He know what is best for me. I won't worry myself on the Honours issue, as that may make me forget that I have indeed, plenty to be thankful for. Once again, I am thankful to Allah, Alhamdulillah.

Muhammad HAMID
Bachelor of Engineering (Mechanical)
The University of Sydney
Class of 2008

It's December...Again.

2008-12-05T00:25:00.002+11:00

well, lip lap lip lap, here we are it's December again. December is something you know, it's the month that signifies an end to yet another chapter, and of course it's the month when in Sydney all you will naturally plan to do is hoard more moolah, or trickle down to more new places, not worrying about assignments and better still, just do nothing while the time completes a dual-lap around the clock.

A lot of things has happened since I last wrote in here, well, given the fact that I've not been updating it for around 5 weeks, it's only natural to say, yet again, to say "a lot has happened" (yes, I have an eventful life, it's not boring and fabulous would be best used to describe it).

I submitted my thesis with Joe around November 6th, had a heavenly 2 weeks of nothingness (not exactly nothingness; waking up late, movie ultra-marathon, Sydney's indie cafes and taking a break from my cleaning shifts, whilst taking my own god-damned sweet time reading the two chapters for the IR&M Paper). Yeah, one of the perks of being a final year stud.

After the FINALest exam (and the only exam paper I had this semester), which was on the November 19th, I pretty much spent the time trying to look for a second job, on top of the cleaning job, just so you know, I can do another jalan-jalan Australia. But now that I've landed a job as a waiter with Cafe Kasturi (how cliche and normal, I know), with the cleaning job, I'm starting to become half-hearted about the trip. I mean, if travelling around Australia in a Greyhound coach requires me to enslave myself to about 8-9 hours of waitering and cleaning shifts, well, let's just say I'm not strong enough and not up to the challenge (simpler terms; aku penat nak kerja gila babi hanya untuk kumpul duit untuk berjalan...wtf).

Anyway, my final results will be out soon. I'm still leaning my hope towards Allah's mercy and endearment for a good overall results, with at least an Honours mark. And oh, I've been paying a visit to the gym almost everyday now, hoping to toned up my body, maxed up my weight (not maxed up, I'm talking about a 75 kilos weight for a 175cm height...PERFECT BMI) and to appear more attractive to a wider range of female.

To top up the crappyness of this post, here's my wish list for this December:
1. A final WAM mark that would at least qualify me for an Honours Upper Division 2.
2. The perseverance and determination to collect as much money as I can through cleaning and waitering jobs.
3. A month-long trip around the continent.
4. Nudie skinny jeans and the Stussy tool bag.
5. There's more I'm sure, just can't squeeze it out my mind.

And to Idzani Bidzani Cidzani...Zidzani, have a safe train ride to Melbourne. Masa untuk ber-indie!

The Final Week on the Calendar

2008-10-27T17:36:00.002+11:00

My laptop is fully functional again (more like semi-functional), I'm sipping mild coffee to help keep my eyes open at least until 10pm and I have just finished my last Monday in the university calendar ever.

Yeap, as cliche as it sounds that time does fly, I am actually now embarking on the journey of completing my degree. Just another one more Tuesday, one more Wednesday, one more Thursday and one more Friday.

Amidst the victorious tone that this post may hold, there's still some despair within it, being clenched by the thought of how there won't be any more classes soon. Of me not being a university student anymore. How can I freely let go of USyd, the place that had taught me to at least pretend that I have it all together, when actually most of the times I skidded from the right lane and sometimes, had everything fallen apart?

Ok, enough on the sappy mode. I have four more days, will give it my best and I will the work of my thesis with the little remaining days and turn it into a masterpiece like never before (*cross finger*). For the record, I am pretty happy with the Monday; I attended all the classes, I survived French Oral Test, I perfectly compiled my last 30-pages report and I signed my final plagiarism form. Pretty sweet eh?

I know a few things are coming my way in a few months; I need to learn to love my next residential area, and I need to learn to love my workplace. That's what had kept me going all these while, despite all the turbulences I faced. The thought of loving where I am is enough to give me a reason to leave my bed every morning.

To my final Tuesday, and to the final presentation. If tomorrow is worth living, then it's worth recording too. So I guess it's tomorrow then, till then, take care and love today. Love the Monday that is today.

Eid Mubarak

2008-09-30T02:10:00.002+10:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to everyone. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Hopefully my final raya in Sydney will be something of great memory, and I wanna thank Allah for all the blessings and personal growth that He showered me with throughout Ramadhan. Not my best Ramadhan I'd say, but better still, there's always something worth to be thankful about.

Another 4 weeks of my academic calendar, and I hope to make the best out of it. O Allah, give me the strength to go through it with the best abilities that I can. I have faith in myself.

2008-08-29T14:12:00.003+10:00

I am writing again some of the best quotes I've heard so far;

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity implies an obligation; and every possession implies a duty.

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.

An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by fullness and not reception.

What is terrible is to pretend that second-rate is first rate, that you don't need love when you do, or when you like your work, when you're quite well know that you're capable of doing better.

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, they all worship money.

Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.

Uncertainty and mysteries are energy of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.

The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is not likely to make money nor find much fun in life.

You are judged by the company you keep.

A person well-satisfied with themselves is seldom satisfied with others, and others are rarely satisfied with them.

No matter where or what, there are makers, takers and fakers.

We do not only love ourselves in others, but hate ourselves in others too.

You will always know a person in your life that interests you more than you can be told. A look, a gesture, an act, which to everybody else is insignificant tells you more about that one that you can.

Man are eternally divided into two classes; believer, builder, praiser and the unbeliever, destroyer and critic.

There are people who in spite of their merits disgust us, and others who please us in spite of their faults.

When you look for the best in others, you bring out the best of yourselves.

If you have never been hurt, you are not much good to the world.

At the party, I make love to a lot of people. And then I go home alone.

To all of you, loneliness is a doom. Yet loneliness is the very thing which God has chosen to be one of the schools training for His very own. It is the fire that sheds the dross and reveals the gold.

3 Is A Job

2008-08-26T22:33:00.001+10:00

The MGM crews and casts really had put up a show, it moved me and made me wanting to scream to them "THANKS FOR MAKING MY FINAL MGM WORTH REMEMBERING!!".

But I thought the MGM this year is a bit of a carbon-copy of last year's. Everything seems to be almost the same, but then again, they have to bear the same concept, so it's fine I guess. Again, good job to Nik Arif and team.

My thesis is.... (ok, I shall not fret about thesis anymore). My thesis is going fine, really...

I missed the Sneaky Sound System gig at at George Street yesterday. I need a personal assistant who can arrange my schedules and give me a flair ass-whooping kick whenever I'm not doing my school work.

French quiz went alright.

Somebody in Kansas City loves me.

God answered my prayers a few days ago. These people can never be like me. They're the flawless pebbles. I'm the flawed diamond. Which one you'd rather have?

On a different note, I looked extremely good looking in almost all the MGM pictures this year. Well, the ones I have in my facebook. I can never go wrong with shirts (statement berlagak).

2008-08-22T04:12:00.002+10:00

I don't like it when I feel nostalgic at night. You know, nostalgic about the past, and over what I have come across. And nostalgic on what probably will never happen again. Stuff like that. Simple stuff.

If you guys haven't watched the Cheers Beer ad in youtube, you guys are missing on one of the world's advertising wonders. I don't plan to put it here, perhaps you can spare some internet credit and search for yourself.

I just watched Alvin and the Chipmunks, about 20 minutes ago. Maybe it's a good idea if I have a pet. A pet that talks, and messes up my room it one adorable way so that it won't be too tiring to clean things up again and again (I sound like a lonely spinster).

I often had dreams where I am sort of living my last day in Sydney. Somehow in the dream I saw Jaih waving me goodbye at the airport (I don't know why him, probably coz I had him picking me and sending me to the airport couple of times), and Rahman telling me to still call him during my work lunch hour, and Yamud telling me the next year will be so boring without me, and me telling Erin to look after UMNO properly. OMG I'm so POYO.

But seriously, I had those kind of dreams a lot. I guessed I've wrote about this hell lots of times, but I think I will have a hard time leaving Sydney soon. Not looking forward to that day.

I have cleaning work in about 3 hours, so I can't sleep. Can't afford to oversleep, waking up late and hearing the French merchant telling me to get 50 alarm clocks and place it on my nose or behind the door (???). He WAS furious the last time I didn't wake up on time.

On a wow-I've-done-something-new-today tone, I drove Izwan's newspaper van all over Pyrmont just now. I wonder he delivers newspapers with that van everyday. Sailing a yacht would have been a lot easier, I guess.

9 More Weeks

2008-08-21T14:41:00.003+10:00

I can see from my window that the person inhabiting the room across the block right in front of my room is watching Olympics Volleyball. There's so many interesting other sports to watch on TV now that Olympic is taking over our lives, why the hell do you have to watch Volleyball?

Oh, it's a girl, padanlah.

And yesterday, Dirah said that she saw a guy totally naked in his room across the block, but this time, from Bhozai's room. Pelik, sumpah pelik!

My thesis presentation is in 2 weeks time. *choked*. And I have a French quiz next week, and I'm still behind by 3 chapters in the damned French novel. September 2nd is the dateline for Renewable Energy HUUGGEEE assignment.

On the good side, I have only 9 weeks left in uni. But with all the workloads, 9 weeks seem forever.

My American Pie by Don McLean

2008-08-14T04:26:00.002+10:00

I wonder sometimes why is it that my mobile alarm clock snoozes every 9 minutes? Why not 8, or 7? Or to make things A LOT simpler, why doesn't it snoozes every 10-simple-fucking-minutes?

My thesis is giving me a pendulum ride of uncertainties. One minute, I know I can finish it, and get it all over with, and the next minute, I'll be wondering what is my topic actually all about, and could this be the reason I won't graduate with honours? Another 22 days before the thesis presentation. God, please help me.

I have HUGE plans for my summer break. But right now, I hate to even think about it, because when you thought about your favourite plans too much, they just don't turn real. For the same reason why you just have to drop your most favourite gadget, and of all places, it hits the hard cemented floors. For the same reason you can't wake up in the morning when you have the week's most important class.

I walked accross the Harbour Bridge again today, back from work in Kirribilli. THE only reason I'm still not switching to a new job is because this cleaning job makes me venture to more new suburbs. Did I tell you I enjoyed my 1 hour brisk walk from Woolloomoolloo to Newtown? That has got to be the highlight of my life. I lied.

And sorry Mr Grewal, I have lied so much to you in my thesis work. I hope you reward me with a High Distinction for that. Porsche aren't THAT great. Their advertisements are too philosophical and they always magnify stuff that is not worth it. It's ironic when the founder's name is shortened to Ferry Porsche (from Ferdinand Porsche), and the car he made rivalled that of Ferrari (often shortened to Ferry).

And Petronas, I hope to start working with you in May 2009, or better still make it June. I need a break from you around me, I've had enough. Please fuck the two towers, so there's gonna be a third. But still, thanks for spending half-a-million-fucking-ringgit for my tuition fees. I know I'm worth the trouble.

Thank you.

the Knowledge Objects

2008-08-05T22:54:00.000+10:00

I haven't had the chance to update my blog for a long long time, I know. For those of you who didn't care much, I'm sorry. And for those of you who considers yourself to be an avid reader of the Bygones, I salute you with a warm gesture; I'm BACK!

Recent events had made me realised that I can only count on myself. I had high hopes, but it didn't turn into reality. But I know I will survive this. Because I am not weak.

My winter break has been fantabullousrrififc! My best winter break, I dare say. But at the moment I'm too lazy to even blog about it, but to cut things short, I'm happy the way it turned out. Thanks to everyone who were part of it!

I want an even better results this semester. But as I am more than aware of, God give you what you deserve, not what you want. I'm all up to it.

And I will do what it takes so that I'll be able to carve a sincere smile on my face when I leave Sydney for good soon.

And I hope Faiz and Azalia are doing well in Malaysia. A few months left, and I'll be enjoying Malaysian food with you guys too =)

Al - Fatihah

2008-06-05T07:08:00.002+10:00

Rule: Don't call others in the middle of the night, unless to convey bad news.

What do you do when some one old and close to you greets the call of death? When you know that they are no where to be seen and no where to be heard of, right from the moment death meets them, and what's left of them are just pictures, memories and leftovers of their stuff that they hold on to while living?

You started imagining what life would be without them from now on. You started to wonder, how does it feel to go to their house and not see them again, instead you only see other people that used to build their lives around the dead. You started remembering your last meal together with the person, trying to recall really hard how does his/her cooking taste, and what sort of thing you talked about with them. You started to remember your last conversation with them, and secretly hoping it was a conversation that pleases their ears. You wondered whether have you taken a photo of them, wanting to know that you have captured their look during their last few days in this world. You tried hard to recall the last time you shook his/her hand, and you lower your forehead, and kissed them on the hand. You began recalling the way they used to talk, and how seldom or often they laugh at your young jokes. You started to remember too, all their advices, and as other people of the Baby Boomers Generation, their advices were always short and transparent, but worth listening to. And of course, you just hope that they die in peace and with a light heart, knowing that they have lived their life they way they were supposed to, and more than anything else, you just want them to be mercifully blessed by Allah.

Losing someone you love is bad enough, but missing the small details and resemblance of their everyday lives makes you wonder whether have you been appreciative enough. I hope I had.

Al - Fatihah to my grandmother, Hajjah Liah Binti Yusof.

The Bond

2008-06-01T21:01:00.003+10:00

I'm in a state of utmost crap now, don't ask me why.

But I just need to think of the fact that my best friend is having the semester of his life with his girl friend that he loves, and that is why I still manage to smile now.

I have never felt genuinely happy for someone else, and I can actually be happy just by thinking of how happy they are.

I hope Allah will give them the best, as I don't know anyone else that deserves it more than them.

Angels, by Robbie Williams (for the 8th time)

Or Did I Not Have Enough Conscience?

2008-05-26T18:23:00.000+10:00

"The aftermath of every adversities is a chance for personal growth"

Study. That's all. It's not tough. You're not picking cottons. You're not picking up the trash. You're not washing windows. You sit dow. You read. You develop your brain.

I love Bill Cosby!

When people around me point out something unwelcoming, my first reaction would be to keep my guards down, and remind myself that every advices is worth 2 minutes to ponder on.

I just don't understand why I couldn't make the process mutual. As said, I either believe that I don't have the conscience to do so, or I tend to look at myself as someone bigger than that, and will prefer not to meddle in petty discussions. Please don't shoot me.

Mr Ultimatum

2008-05-22T18:07:00.000+10:00

I touched down from Adelaide on Sunday May 18th, after spending the weekends there for Petronas SLDP Program, accompanied by drizzles and new friends and tonnes of sausages (orang UMNO kene belajar masak sausage from budak Pet Adelaide...serious!).

I had always looked at myself as a good speaker, but the moment I stood in front of the 20-something Petronas students in Adelaide as their facilitator, I could actually feel the wrecking nerves rampaging my whole body, and I know I didn't make any complete sense in that first leadership session. A good reminder from God, don't be too confident of yourself. But luckily I managed to keep myself together, and relate to all of them students, and actually remember their names!

I spent the first night wondering through Adeliade CBD alone, around 11pm, in search of a toothbrush, as I thought the hotel will provide me with one but they didn't. Obviously I can't use Ezidy's toothbrush, although I did taxed him really well on the hair creme, toothpaste and yeah, that's all (deodorant tak ok!). But to my dismay, all the convenience shops were closed (unlike hip and metro Sydney), and I went back to the hotel, wet and annoyed and shivvering and not equipped with any cheap toothbrush. Before getting to my room floor, I asked the receptionist about an extra toothbrush, and he gladly handed me one. Babi I should have asked him first before venturing through the 40-minutes rain filled outing!

On the second night, Ezidy and I walked through Adelaide CBD again, searching for any open late night coffee places, but macam biase, time kite paling nak lepak, time tu lah semua kedai kopi tutup. Then we thought of "visiting" Coles (what on earth were we thinking, I don't know), and even Coles pun tutup! I thought RIngo told me the Coles will be open till midnight, but why was it closed when it was only 1130pm? OH! Hari Ahad rupenye...Coles open midnight everyday, except Sunday, and dan-dan la the day we were out for Coles was a Sunday midnight. Another reminder from God.

We had a free day on our last day, as the SLDP thing only took my precious Saturday. The Adelaideans asked us on where to go, and selfishly, I recited the names of places that I haven't been to the last time I was here in 2006 hahaha. So we hit Rundle Mall, I taxed Ezidy again on the Azam's Nasi Lemak, Teh Tarik and Roti Canai (actually he offered, so rezeki jangan ditolak) and we spent the rest of the late noon at Glenelg, ending the Adelaide tour with a hot Starbucks one each.

All in all, I could have said this was the best trip I have had with someone much older than me, and Ezidy has definitely opened up my eyes to more specturms that I had never thought about before. I remembered clearly almost every conversations I had with him for both nights, and discovered that behind those blur face and his frameless spectacles, he is actually quite fun and inspiring to lepak with. For that, I thank you Mr Ezidy, and yes, I am studying harder now.

I don't wanna spend the enxt 7 years asking myself..."What in the names of Heavens was wrong with me in uni dulu?". How true is that.

Contented

2008-05-13T23:12:00.004+10:00

I am very thankful to Allah, with all the blessings he has showered me upon. I know I whined and complained and bitched about hell a lot of things, but looking back again, I have 1001 reasons to actually be thankful about. And true, I am calmer now, I scrutinise less and I just don't allow my mind to venture to unnecessary parts. I just wonder, would you meddle with the safer option, or the easier option? (Just something random).

After the quiz tomorrow, I am pretty much done with 60% of this semester's workload. Just on-going thesis works, Energy assignment and to bury myself into deep concentration in reading the System textbook. I hate to say this, but the only possible way for me to get first class honours is through another 8 HDs this year. OMG, I am fainting now!

I will be in Adelaide from May 16th til May 18th for some Petronas leadership program. And AGM UMNO went reaaalllyyy well a few weeks ago. To me, this is an AGM to remember. And don't ask me why!

Times with friends has been fantabulous. I just wanna squeeze everything into my mind, and I want to remember all these fun moments, and I don't want to let it slip my mind. But then yeah, as I strongly believe in, memori hanyalah untuk dikenang, bukan untuk diingat-ingat.

In short, I am happy lately, and the only thing I can think to whine about is my body weight (which, by the way, is perfect....so I don't whine these days).

Song at the moment: Crazy by Aerosmith.

Don't you just love __________ (fill in the blank space).

Hint:
If you write your crushes' names, 5 marks for you.
If you write my name, 7.5 marks for you.
If you write the name of my Summer Fling, 10 marks for you. Bravo!

2008-04-29T22:31:00.000+10:00

For the first time ever, I finally watched Cinderella Man by Russell Crowe from start til end. During his final match against Baer in pursuit of the world champion title, Rahman, Eiman, Roy, Yaya and myself were pratically shouting and chanting Braddock's name and cursed everytime Baer made a low blow. I felt as if I was in Madison Square myself. I could actually feel his heart, and how strong he stood as he fought not for just himself, but for his family and the whole lower class people of New Jersey. Never underestimate the strength of our hearts. It creates wonders.

My thesis advisor fell in love with my thesis second chapter. I kept a humble face as he was repeating how good my writing was, and he had a feeling my thesis will turn out good. I also kept a blurr and malu-malu bagai face. You should be there, I'm sure you'd have said "aawww...cute nye mamat...".

I'll be at Amanda's house in Petersham tomorrow for cleaning. I hate the dog in the kitchen who seems not to be able to shut the fucking up, and I hate how she thinks her house is very European and symbolizes the relentless spirit of the Renaissance. Looks more like a house full of handicapped lads and ladies who doesn't have any cleaning concept.

My favourite quote so far; Ugly people usually have ugly hearts. By Irwan Shazman. Perfect. And yes, I know I have a handsome heart, don't have to remind me. Stating the obvious is just not my way.

2008-04-27T00:35:00.003+10:00

Today, I heard your voice again after almost one month. I'm just wondering why I'm not happy as I'm supposed too. Maybe you are just like the rest. Then again, I have no idea why I called you, probably I had a weak moment. Well, that or I just have an abundance of phone credit to spend on.

Things has been pretty fabulous lately, fabulous but tiring. I don't know why I said fabulous, but tiring is actually an understatement. Uni work, cleaning work and the mind-boggling thesis work. I have been writing a lot for my thesis and been writing too many essays, that I told myself I shouldn't be writing for another 7 years or so. And yet, here I am detoxing my inner chaos through words. I am so full of bullshit.

I may not run for UMNO NSW Presidency, as an subtle inner voice told me to just have one semester where I have no other responsibilities, and for once, be the audience. Or just let someone else do the mounting work and I can sit down and be a proper audience, for once. On top of that, I can spend my weekends wondering aimlessly to the most random places that I have never set foot on. And yes, no more meetings that lasted for hours and hours on my precious weekends.

Can't wait for my Adelaide trip with the Petronas Advisor, and can't wait to actually put the new pair of spectacles on my handsome face. Loving and hating my new hairdo at the moment. Oh well, I am just so full of bullshit.

Going back to my thesis work, and NO fun in BLIGH tonight!

Hobart - MECH 4601

2008-04-15T04:00:00.005+10:00

I arrived safely from Hobart around 8.50 in the morning on Monday April 14th, feeling happy at the sight of familiar Sydney, but not able to believe that an important lecture was just 10 minutes away. So I dashed out, had a quick ciggarette break and rushed to the train, hoping to grab the next Airport Link departing for Central Sydney. I made it to SUV around 10 am, and entered the lecture hall an hour later, with apparent dark circles around my eyes, I was obviously sleep deprived.

Anyway, will get back to you about my Tasmania trip in the next entry, as I know including photos is a must, and I don't have the cables and all with me right now.

A 5-hours sleep amidst all the welcoming noise at Bligh Tower just now rejuvenated me more than anything else. I managed to sleep soundlessly, despite Rahman's relentless strumming on the guitar and Yaya's and Yani's moving around the house completing chores, or just enjoying the busy-ness of the metropolitan-liked of their apartment. Aideeni was around puffing, and don't get me started on Eiman's and Nana's laughs. Don't. But yeah, I felt better than I had for the past 30 hours or so, and the price I had to pay; nocturnal habit making a comeback.

I enjoyed uni more this year. I'm not exactly sure why, but I have a feeling it's going to be much better compared to last few years in terms of workloads, lectures, assignments and all. I know I shouldn't be saying this, as I don't know what awaits tomorrow, but I'm thankful to Allah because I'm actually coping up quite okay this year compared to the last 3. Probably easier subjects, or I have finally gotten the skills of time management this year, one that I should be acquiring way back in 2005?

And here is a tribute to the University of Sydney, I've been circulating my life around this uni for almost 4 years, but I've never taken the time to actually tell myself.."Wow, you're in USyd, make the best out of it damnit!".

To USyd, if you are a human being, I will be nice to you and kiss you all the time and thank you for just offering me a place. I am proud to be a USyd student, and all of you better damn know that I am as proud as I can possibly be at the thought of being an alumni of this stone-walled university. Only 45 000 people are in Usyd now, out of 6 000 000 000 world populations. Ain't I lucky?

Sidere Mens Eadem Mutato

Magna Carta

2008-04-02T01:15:00.002+11:00

I turned 22 recently. Alhamdulillah. Sometimes I can't believe that I have lived and walked on this earth for 22 years. I have my soul being embodied for 22 years. For 22 years I have spent my life doing things, and wanting something and sometimes not getting what I want. I can't believe that 22 years are actually a really long time, yet it seems so short. So brief.

I wanna say thank you to my friends for yet another surprise birthday bash in my room on midnight March 26th. I truly appreciate it, and don't worry so much about the highlights of the night; my study table broke due to excessive weight of oversized asses. Hahaha!

And also, for the romantic and candle-filled gathering you guys put up at Hyde Park, that was superb! And different! Different people feel loved at different times and through different ways, and I feel loved the most on March 26th. Every year.

As difficult and hard to believe as it may be, I am actually approaching the finale chapter of my UG life here in Sydney. That seems like a blessing in disguise, as lecture notes and bundles of assignments seem to not do justice to my already hectic life. But the truth, I'm dreading the day when I have to bid my final farewell to Sydney, and reluctantly folding all my memories here inside my mind.

I just know that I will spend some uneventful lunch hour in my working life soon, sitting alone and thinking about the Coles Supermarket in Broadway that I paid a visit to almost every week, my tutorials classrooms, the Chinatown, the Sydney buses where I had triumphed over and over again in getting concession tickets, the green sidewalks of King Street, Newtown as a whole (Newtown!), my former apartments and so on. It's liberating, to know that I have spent 4 fulfilling years, but in the same time, it's also a sad thought having to say goodbye to all of it.

From this day on, I will treasure every minutes that I have in Sydney, I will appreciate every small details that I encountered along the way and I will actually stop and press the pause button, and inhale the air gently, to actually FEEL what Sydney air is like (ok, that's BOLLOCKS). I will smile to everyone I know and I will try to indulge in meaningful conversations with them. I will plant all these elements of being a Sydneysider for 4 years in my body and soul, so that I don't have to go back to Malaysia thinking that I had forego any chance of just appreciating Sydney. I refuse to spend the next 9 months with any regrets, and I will capture this city as a whole so that at least I have a nice mental snapshot of it to be brought back home.

God, I thank you for every single blessing you have showered me with, and thank you for giving me the chance to live in this land of The Aborigines and The Torres Islanders for 4 years.

Thank you for reading. Drop a comment. Sorry on the sappy mode.

The Hanging Rock

2008-03-19T00:31:00.001+11:00

You once told me that you have fallen into the deepest pit of hole, where you were drowned by the pitch of total darkness. But you survived. You rised from the ashes, how can I not adore you?

Have you ever fret or worry over something over and over again, that up to a point, you just turn dry and have no slightest energy to even dwell with it? When you just give up of trying to be positive, not that you do not want to. When you finally just thought that you are much better off not thinking about it?

As hard as this may seem, that is actually a form of weapon. A way of life that can serve as weapons, when you thought being left alone feeling helpless is the worst thing that could have happened to you. It's called time. It's our weapon.

Time heals what reasons can't. Just thought of giving you readers a gentle reminder.

But then again, don't fret over the small things in life. I don't exactly know why, but it obviously doesn't turn you into someone better. Oh, it's also annoying.

Take care!

Show Me What It's All About

2008-03-16T16:18:00.002+11:00

I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.

Have you ever known someone long enough, that both of you were pretty much 'there' during each other's growth, personal developments and achievements and also, each other's ups and downs that pendek kata, semua bende pasal orang tu la kite pernah nampak dan kita tahu perkembangan hidup dia, who they are close with, they preferences, their 'style' and all, just because you spent the past 17 years or so of your life around that particular friend?

It amazes me on how some people have known my paranoia of adult angst, and still put up with me, after so many years. To them, I say thank you.

Anyway, back to the point, it just worries me a lot that just because I happen to always be around in someone's life, because our paths of life happen to take the same crossroads, and just because we happen to see each other every weekend with other 'new' friends and so on, (notice how many 'just happen' I used?) that the developments of our lives has turned into a silent and unspoken rivalry that only us, and us knew of? What I meant was, it scares me to see that just because two people has had a loooong way together, that in the end it is only natural for them to analyse and scan both selves to know which one of them turned out better, given the fact that we had an almost 100% similar external affecting factors and surroundings?

Maybe you understand what I meant, and maybe you don't. It doesn't matter. The point is, why bother knowing another person for so long, when in the end you can't even be yourself in front of them, and you can't even share with them the joy of your life, afraid that it might be mistaken as a form of brag?

Oh well, what am I saying...

2301

2008-03-11T01:50:00.003+11:00

Some people obviously lie and create stories through their journeys of what I called 'life'. They scandalized themselves, they put up false impressions, they hid behind masked chronicles and they simply sent out the fake vibe whenever they could. Yes, I've met people like this before, but the more they lie, the more carried away they get by it. What, you think people won't be around you without those self-portrayed impersonation of God-knows-who, and do you seriously need to feel above average just to get attention? Or perhaps your life is just too boring for the naked truth?

Selalunya, orang fake dan suka menipu itu selalu terbukti bodoh di kemudian hari. Well done.

Look up over the internet about the universe, or just read about the nebulae. This universe is just too huge, and I mean, they're astronomically huge, that sometimes immortalizing sadness is just not the way to go. Think of the vastness of the universe, on how there are as many planets in this whole universe as the strands of sands in this entire planet earth, and planet earth itself is only a representation of one sand. Take the higher road, think of the hugeness of the universe, and how annoyingly insignificant your daily problems are (water bills, mounting assignments, girls, nagging parents and some bastards urinating by the roadside). You only have one life, but if you lived it happily, one lifetime is enough.

I am grateful that we have plenty of second chances to make up for the lousy first. True, first impression counts, but most of the times, what you see is not necessarily what you get.

I am happy living in my new studio, and I enjoy the company of my neighbours. My own private place, and in this room, every corner represents a part of me. My old Dunblane House will always be something of great importance, but I think it's time for me to move on and embrace this new place. Memori hanyalah untuk dikenang, bukan untuk diingat-ingat.

I hope my resolutions are realized this year. Good luck for yours too, and I hope we all can help each other out!

Let The Music Heal Your Soul

2008-02-17T07:29:00.004+11:00

Every now and then, when I browsed back through the many music playlists that ever existed in my iTunes, I somehow found myself being transported through time, back to the days when any particular songs were being highlighted in my life as the song.

Obviously, this is no surprise, as I tend to relate music with a lot of things in life, and a few selection of songs will be played over and over again from my laptop during that specific period. Everything will start to pop out instantaneously, the happy ones, the sad ones, the plain ones even, the times when I struggled with some things, the times when I thought that I was fulfilled and strong, the times when I thought that I was weak and pathetic. The songs made me recall some individuals that revolved around my life or had an astrologically enormous impact in my life within those period.

In short, I don't need a diary, or probably even this blog. I don't need someone to remind me of what had happened so far, and I don't even need to strain myself and struggle recalling the pasts. All I need is an accidental moment where the song just randomly being played in my playlist, and everything just formed itself into images and leftovers of what I had experienced, carefully unfolding events of the yesteryears that I had stored somewhere inside my mind, as vivid and as clear as they were. All I need is music.

And I'm sure in the coming 5 years, if I ever came accross Fall Out Boys' Thanks For The Memories and Jordan Sparks' Tattoo, summer break 2007 will come into mind, an old dandy film being played, like a silent movie.

And oh! Crispy Creme is now in Doha! This probably won't help the majority of the population here who already suffers berat badan berlebihan, and I'm sure now they will have other cumbersome issues to worry on. Example; cavity and tooth infection.

Thanks for reading!

Rawak

2008-02-08T04:15:00.000+11:00

I don't like it, or should I say, I hate it when my family and friends form a wrong or biased impressions and perceptions on me. With exceptions to my current Sydney housemates and close Sydney friends, no one is actually around me most of the time, so my advice would be to stop being so prejudiced or extremely judgemental on me. I mean, it's okay to occasionally judge, and who doesn't, as long as you don't build a mental paradigm on me based on that. What you see is not necessarily what you get.

2008-02-05T06:16:00.000+11:00

Do you know one of ...

Those things in life that you really hate to take a closing chapter on?

Those things in life where you expected nothing of significance or importance to happen, but it left you with many priceless memories instead?

Those things in life where you met many new people and formed strong bonds with them, only to be heart broken because you felt that you weren't given enough time to know them better?

Those things in life when you felt really high and up in the sky, but you know it is not for long, but you don't mind because you just can't find a single negative feeling to dwell with?

Those times when you met the special someone in a place you least expected to meet them, and somehow you know this summer break is something worth remembering?

Those people in life that you willingly built your life around and you sincerely love them, like you have never been hurt before, just because you know you have to?

Those faces surrounding you everyday, that you can shed your tears on because you are afraid that you might not see them again?

The many routines in life that you once subconsciously committed yourself to everyday, and you know you would do it all over again?

I miss my internship days....

and now I know, small expectations resort to big happiness. I knew that before, I just forgot about it.

Updates, Simply Put...

2008-01-16T00:54:00.000+11:00

Dear All,

I would like to know that I am a positive person and how I screamed at the top of my living lungs on how the grass is often greener on my side. Hence, I have decided to mark in my head of yet another memorable and eventful summer break, although there is more to come.

Of course, my sincere apology to readers, for abandoning this blog, but there's not much that I can do, due to time constraint and the "couldn't-be-suckier" internet broadband over here. But to the good news of some friends (or perhaps to the dismay of some others), I am still well alive and kicking here in Seremban.

Hey friends,

So far my internship has been alright, although plain would be a better way of describing it. And since this blog holds nothing but the truth, well I have only been doing little work given to me by my supervvisor, Pak Ganis Supriadi, and spent much time and waste countless dollars on having coffee and unnecessary brunch or extended lunch over the many shops and cafes in Suria, although in theory I should be trying to fathom the many engineering ups and downs. But me being me, that's just plain unrealistic bullshit.

Sometimes, there was just nothing to do, and the managers in my floor expects us to find our own work and be more proactive, but that ain't happening. Haha. And I couldn't stand being in the office for even one more second, hence the countless journeys or slamming and sloping around Suria with amigos y amigas, and geez I love doing that, God knows why.

Yo peeps,

I am also happy as I managed to fill my life with more luxury, now that I no longer have only AUD384 to spend on. I pampered myself with a lot of indulgences, and lavished my closet with more new things to wear hehehehe. And that shall be be the highlight of my summer break hahahhaa! And don't call me a spoilt brat, as my Sydney friends would know how deprived I was back in Sydney in terms of almost everything. I won't call it a financial crisis anymore, I'll just call it another mandatory cycle that always occurs in my life there.

Furthermore, I get to meet more new people and catch up with a lot of old friends, even ones that I thought I would never see in 7 lifetimes. I had a really good thing going on with my fellow trainees, and I hang out more than ever now in Seremban, and I have discovered many new and interesting places here, and the great part is, it makes me feel more "homiey" here. Thank God for Seremban.

Hey there,

All in all, nothing of significance or that important happens, but the many small things that happens perfectly here makes my small life here perfect, and I'm sorry if that's a bit exxagerated. So if you thought of calling me, to ask me how wonderful my life currently is, and how I can turn your life into a more enviable one, give me acall at 019 277 4705. And don't worry, the consultation hours shall be free of charge!

And to everyone,

Thank you for making my 2007 great, if not happening and memorable. I certainly haven't placed it in a deserted corner of my mind, but the main thing is that it has helped me to sustain myself at where I am now, and I hope we don't have to say good bye to all the good things.

Thank you for listening....

My Ray Ban

2007-12-03T06:01:00.000+11:00

Actually I don't have the slightest idea on what to blog about, but due to my nocturnal habit that seems to ba making a comeback, I might as well just stay awake and not doze off as 4.30 am (my usual waking hour, to commute to Kl) is looming nearer. Maybe I should share the tale with readers on the adventurous and memorable journey I had to from Sydney to KL, via gold coast.

Nov 21st :

I left the house, after hours and hours of packing finalisation. I don't know, but I have this thing about packing, where I will subconsciously want things to be perfect, and I need that rare awareness of what has been stuffed in the bags, and what hasn't. Of course, I haven't seen many people around me with that sydnrome, I think some of them just throw stuff into bags, zip it and Boom! they're off!

I took the bus to central, with Yamud and Kazar tagging along me, and I swear, I was actually feeling really ashamed of the fact that I dragged a huge 20 kilos weighed bag in the bus, amidst all that middle class people off to work. Kantoi takde duit nak naik teksi hahhaaa! Alan came to central to bid his last farewell, and after a final goodbye wave to the 3 of them, the train drifted further from the station, and images of their 3 faces blurred, sending me thoughts on how I will actually see them in the next year.

The train ride was 12-13 hours or so, and much to my anticipation, I actually enjoyed every second of it! I gorged on a few egg sandwiches, I took a closing chapter on the novel "The Life Of Pi", which I had abandoned for almost 4 purnama, and I endlessly abused my camera into capturing many photos of almost every stations in the many small towns that we stopped at. I'm not kidding, the experience was fantastic, if there's a train service from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur, I swear I will try on it.

Around 7pm, I reached Casino. I thought it's going to be the hustle bustle urban classy of Gold Coast gambling euphoria, but to my dismay, it's actually a small town, with hardly any mobile coverage, where I was told to board on a bus for another 3 hours or so before actually reaching Surfer's Paradise (SF), my actual destination. By that time, I was already really hungry, and I knew that I shoud've taken a flight to Gold Coast instead. But I kept a positive mind, telling myself that it's an experience to cherish, and no regrets!

By the time I reach SF, it was already 11 pm, and I had another calamity of having to drag my bag around, with my aching back already half sloping due to the then unbearable weight of my backpack, as I was searching for any ATM Machines, or shop where I could purchase a pack of ciggy. Some strangers flashed their smiles to me, probably wondering what is this Indian looking boy doing in the middle of the many neon-lighted pubs and discos in SF, with a huge bags and an almost dead face.

Nov 22nd:

After wondering in SF for almost 2 hours, inquiring around for ATMs and the next bus that can actually take me to YHA Coolangatta, I finally got onto a bus, fatigue swept over me, and I am ready to just hit the bed, after almost 16 hours on non-stop travelling. The bus driver dropped me in the middle of a freeway, and he sort of gave me a wrong direction to YHA! I spend the next 2 hours, 12am - 2am, wondering around the freeway with my huge bags and empty stomach and almost half swollen legs and broken back on where the hell the YHA is! I eventually gave up, and asked a few man I met coming back from a happy night outing, which also didn't help much. After sending out hands and waving for any vehicles that I could hitchhike with, a guy driving a jeep finally stopped and he drove me to YHA, where I will only stay for the next 4 hours, before having to walk to Gold Coast Airport, to board the plane to KL. PHEW!!

At the YHA, I didn't sleep much, instead I got engaged into a converstaion with a Melbourne dude, who was busy lamenting and bragging politely on his sex escapade. Pergila matila kan! Much later, I climbed up onto my bed, scraping the last bit of energy I possessed into falling asleep, with much difficulty due to the droning giggles of Jack and Jane below my bed, whom I believed was having sex. Crap!

The next day, I walked for another 500m to the airport (by this time, I was more than used to walking) and the moment I sat in the plane, a huge sense of relief swept over me, as I knew that then all I had to do was sit, and food will be served, and by 8 hours, I'll be back in my home soil. And that was the best feeling ever!

Day 2 @ Tower 1

2007-11-27T11:33:00.000+11:00

Ok this is corny. Like REAL CORNY. I am this close to informing you that I had my first day as an intern yesterday (Monday Nov 26th), but my wholly depressed mind made a significant warning about not being too cheesy. Anyway, yeah I am currently sitting at my desk, as an intern in Level 17, Tower 1, KLCC (Weeeee, it's like having dropped out slutty cheerleaders around me weeeeee *roll eyes*). Bull.

Sometimes I wonder what actually happens if I were to be an intern in Macquarie Bank instead? (ok Muhammad, drop it, that's so last decade). I mean, we haven't been doing anything, and I mean, anything at all since yesterday. My boss is not around, was told he's in London, and his secretary's name is Ida and she possesses one hell of a mouth (it's like having Ida Yani here, wohoo nama pon dah sama) and the 3 sapiens in the next 3 cubicles straight ahead are alright people. They are so alright that I have nothing to blog about them.

I also gave up inquiring people about what interns are supposed to do, or what is expected out of them. It's like everybody has this invincible tape recorder sellotaped to their mouth, and every time I ask them the question, they will hit the Play button, and the same phrase comes out; "Oh tak buat apa apa sangat". Wtf. Eventually, I gave up asking. So don't ask me what happens during my internship period, because I am likely to slap you for that, and you will hate me in return. Ok drama lagi, sorry.

So pretty much, that will be my routine till February 1st, before I'm off to Qatar. So to fulfill my inquisitive mind, and to compensate the wasted 9 hours (8am - 5pm), I brought my laptop, where I am most likely to blog about a lot of stuff (even petty ones, as usual) and I also brought my Spanish and French books. So even if I didn't manage to acquire knowledge on pipes, or pumps or rotating-wow-this-machine-amazed-me-machinery, at least by the time of this internship period, I can rejoice in the fact that you throw me your stunned and disgruntled faces when I ask you something in Bonaparte's and Marie Antoinette's language.

And don't tell me to shop in Suria. Gile ape! Waktu kerja tak boleh keluar! Nasib baik aku rase cool sebab at least dapat kerja in KLCC, happeninnnn plis!

PS: I cut my hair short.

2007-11-05T01:39:00.000+11:00

"Aerodynamically the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway." - Mary Kay Ash.

So, the next time you thought of cursing me and dragging down my self esteem again, just suck it up, save your mild-spitting saliva and learn to catch on your breath first. FYI your talks disgust me. I don't need to know about things that will only make me feel like a shit head, because when the time comes I will rise up to the occasion and pull off the string and you know I will.

Kepala Pusing!

2007-10-28T01:29:00.000+10:00

Hari ini, saya akan menulis blog dalam bahasa melayu. ke bahasa malaysia? anyway, eh....apa ape pun, saya hanya akan mengeblog pasal rutin saya erm...for the past 24 hours (ok maaf saya malas alih bahasa sebentar).

semalam saya ke Marly Bar untuk menyambut hari jadi salina dan azzy yang ke 21. saya jumpa banyak rakan rakan saya di sana dan saya agak gembira. saya, rahman, yani, sheera, yamud, eiman, hafiz, baiti, dirah, paan, anas dan yaya menari dengan sangat galak. bak kata yamutay tasaday, "menari macam nak mati...". tapi nasib baik saya tak mati lagi...

selepas itu kami ke kedai makanan turki yang bernama Istanbul. Saya makan pizza. Yamud makan pizza juga. Mereka semua makan pizza juga. Saya suka pizza sebab ianya sangat simple (simple dalam BM ape eh?). Hanya roti dan terdapat banyak kepingan sayur, daging dan benda-benda menarik ditabur atasnya. Best kan??

Selepas itu kami ke SUV. Kami melepak macam nak mati lagi, dan saya mengepow rokok eiman dan hafiz untuk kali yang ke 72. nanti saya kene belanja mereka rokok satu karton kot, sebab saya dah banyak sangat mengepow rokok mereka. baik nye eiman dan hafiiizzzzz...(bayangkan saya cakap dengan nada gedik).

selepas itu saya dan yamud naik kereta hafiz dan dia hantar kami pulang ke dunblane, mase itu sudah waktu subuh. selepas sembahyang, saya dan yamud mengusha survivor di youtube (tube anda) dan kami mengira dengan jari siapa yang hot, siapa yang tua dan buruk, dan siapa yang macam bagus. saya suka survivor! (nada gedik lagi). saya beritahu yamud, kalau saya masuk pertandingan survivor, saya boleh menang! sebab saya hebat berlari, laju berenang dan saya pandai membuat kawan untuk "ally" dengan saya. hebat tak saya?

selepas itu, saya tidur dan bangkit pukul 5 petang. kepala saya macam nak pecah, dan kali ini, sya memang rase macam nak mati adoi! Saya buang masa sampai malam layan youtube sambil berborak dengan roy.

alan dan anwar datang. mereka ajak menonton texas chainsaw massacre daripada external mereka. saya sudah tengok filem itu, tapi saya setuju untuk tengok lagi sekali. saya tengok separuh jalan, dan saya rase macam nak muntah! dulu kami tengok filem itu di Hoyts, George Street bersama joe, yus, budin, syami, dirah dan yaya. saya ingat lagi yaya menangis tengok cerita itu, dan dirah hanya berselindung di sebalik bahu budin sebab dia takut sangat!

selepas nampak banyak sangat darah, saya keluar bilik dah tidak menonton lagi. saya pergi ke komputer untuk tengok youtube lagi. dan untuk menulis blog.

saya kene belajar thermodynamics! dan saya suka lagu "better than me" oleh Hinder! boleh tak saya cakap lagu itu lagi best dari seks? kalau tak boleh, beritahu ye...

STUVAC minggu depan!

Raya Photos, but.....

2007-10-25T02:11:00.000+10:00

Ok, sorry for the delay. I have been meaning to put up my Raya pictures ages ago, but a lot of unsettled issues along the way, so I kinda push off this post.

First I was so busy finishing up assignments, 5 more to go before the end of semester. I have been taking up 7 subjects this semester, and now I know the downfall of wanting to grad early hahaha!

Next was this two gargantuan interviews I had with Holden and Hatch Co. The interview was held in Wagga Wagga so that kinda took up all day on Monday, and I really hope they will offer me a job as an intern with them, considering the AUD 25 I've spent on the train fare!

And then, I am in the midst of planning my South America trip with my cousins, over the holidays. We'll be in Sao Paulo, Santiago and the rest of Chile's never-ending beaches and taking a grand finale in the land of Buenos Aires, Argentina. 21 days in total. Yo habla Latino! Yo soy un bueno!

Furthermore, my girlfriend is giving me headache as she was being demanding than ever before on the issues of where am I going to live over the summer break. She wants me to stay at her place, but I would prefer to stay with my parents, as a family get together would mean a lot to me over the break.

And then, oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know yet, I will be taking amateur and pre-modelesque photos with Nautica this 23rd November, so within the past few weeks, I've been very busy with the photography and body-structuring-for-beginning-models classes and all.

And on top of that, UMNO NSW's annual report is due soon, and I really hope I'll have the time to come out with clear and concise report to be handed in hand-to-hand to Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin, on the coming Perhimpunan Agung UMNO soon.

And I'm still finalising the contract I had with the Turner Bar in KL which I got through my cousin, who happens to work there as a DJ. They will be needing me to play some random selection of songs on the guitar from 26th December to 31st December. I really hope my rendition of Kau Ilhamku by Manbai will cause a dramatic implosion in Jalan Duta Lama soon. Wish me luck!
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Well, I'm sure I should have managed to put up my Raya pictures gorging on Satay, Rendang and whatnot, if I wasn't so busy creating up lies just to brag to people on how fulfilled my life is.

Sorry! Raya picture next time yeah? (But I really hope that while you guys were reading this 30 seconds ago, a hint of admiration passed through your mind. At least you guys will be thinking; Wow gile superhuman mamat nih!). Sigh....

Spektor's Love-ology

2007-10-22T18:04:00.000+10:00

I'm not sure whether this is wrong or right, but can I say that I miss home?

Of course I can. Whattheheck...

I miss the constant wake up calls my mum gave me, telling me it's already the brink of dawn, and I can never miss my Subuh. I miss seeing her anticipating the precious half an hour she stole to just kick back and browse through the newspaper. I miss those times when she checked on me before picking up my little siblings from school. I miss the times when she questioned me about my cravings, so she could prepare something for the family luncheon. I miss the times when she asked me when will be my next Spanish class. I miss the times when she would call me into the kitchen to just have a random conversation with her. I miss the times when I tell her how hard things were, and she would take the effort of printing quotes from the net or cutting inspiring newspaper articles, to just build me back again. I miss the times when she said she couldn't wait for next year, when we bid our farewell.

I miss my dad too. I miss the times when he would drive me around for some mamak food indulgence. I miss the times when we had the father and son conversation, where he'd remind me how proud he is of myself. I miss the times when he got angry if an officemates called him during our casual family escapade. I miss the times when he would always remind me to read the selawat when troubles surfaced. I miss the times he told me to never give up, and as bad thing as things may seem, they don't last forever. I miss the times when he would tell me that people love those who rise from the ashes, so it's alright if you fall in life.

I miss my brother. I miss the times when he would willingly lend me his car and tell me I don't have to fill up the tank again. I miss the times when he would teach me new chords, while correcting the fingers-positioning. I miss the times when he told me to always understand the hardship my parents are going through in rising us up. I miss the times when he would simply take charge, and rise up to the occasion, when my parents are not around.

I miss the sister too. I miss the times when she would tell me stories about her crushes, and how prefect the guy is. I miss the times when she would list down all the possible movies we could catch on the weekends. I miss the times when she would tell me that I have the strength to finish my studies. I miss the time when she would described all her friends, and how she still thinks that her brothers are the best.

I miss Raihan, Raihanah and Ismail. I miss the times when I would tell them to keep their darn mouth quiet, and how the empty the house was, when they were away. I miss them asking me whether I love them or not. I miss entertaining them will all sorts of game, wondering all the way when will I next see them. I miss seeing the anxiety on their faces every time they discovered something new. I miss having them around me.

I guess the saying is always right. Nothing beats home.

When I Thought So Highly Of You....

2007-10-15T00:41:00.000+10:00

I used to think that the warmth of your eyes reflected the azure of the sky,
When in fact it was just another pair of eyes.

I used to think that your dazzling voice saturated the whole impression by the audience,
When in fact, I knew an even better voice exists.

I used to think your dramatic musical flare was something worth hailing for,
When in fact, it was just another different rhyme.

I used to think that your words were among the soothest that someone could offer,
When in fact, it was just another soul speaking her thoughts.

I used to think that your body epitomized the sensational beauty of God's creation,
When in fact, it was just another organized diet.

I used to imagine myself strolling by the beach hand in hand with you,
When in fact, I could have done that with another person.

I used to think that the wiggles of your smile uplifted my spirit more than anything else,
When in fact, sinister and sarcasm lies within.

I used to think that your walk was motivated by something unseen to the rest,
When in fact, you were just trying to impress the people around you.

I used to think that the clothes covering your body could not have looked prettier.
When in fact, you probably have spent hours planning for it.

I used to think that others loved you for who you are,
When in fact, your deceiving acts could have formed more nemesis.

I used to think that the sight of you rejuvenated my sore sight,
When in fact, there were other beauties worth appreciating too.

I used to think that the man you picked would be the luckiest man alive,
When in fact, everybody has their own distinctive charm.

So,
Why do I used to think so highly of you?
Because when people are in love,
They tend to be blinded by the flaws,
But luckily,
That is only in the beginning...

The Price Card...

2007-10-12T01:12:00.000+10:00

This would be one of those times when all I felt like doing is stir my innards, rearrange the stacks of textbooks beckoned on the corner of the table and mess it up all over again, complete the 7 enormous cycles of jumping down from my balcony then climb back up the stairs, and pack up all my belongings, then just straight head home where my families are.

Ok, I exaggerated a little bit.

This is one of those times when I am wrought with guilt, because I was so selfish, and so obnoxious about the feeling of others, thinking that human heart will NEVER play a part in any decision making process. Well, I was wrong.

I felt that I have committed an injustice to one of my companion here. I didn't give him the chance to prove himself, and worse, inside me, I didn't let him to. I was so busy being superficial and judging him from the outside, that I have missed all the words that he was trying to convey. I was so busy equating his past to his present, that I have missed the kind and almost perfect gesture that he was displaying. I was so busy underestimating him inside me, that I have missed the genuine heart and intentions that he was trying to uphold.

I felt like the worst human ever walked on earth.

Seriously, a thousand sincere apologies from me, and I will never do that again. Everybody has something to offer, and I should not misinterpret what they are anymore. I'm sorry.

Quoting Is Halfway To Believing....

2007-10-08T17:13:00.000+10:00

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person;
"Always do what you are afraid to do".
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
George S.Patton

If you do not hopes, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St Clement of Alexandra

We are all inventors, each sailing on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment everyday.
Thornton Wilder

The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle

Work spares us from three evils; boredom, vice and need.
Voltaire

Experience is the child of thought and thought is the child of action.
Benjamin Disraeli

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Samuel Johnson

Fortune favours the brave.
Publius Terence

He who hesitates is lost.
(Unknown)

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose; a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
Mary Shelley

Coming Out Of The Closet....

2007-10-07T02:01:00.000+10:00

On Saturday, October 6th, Joe, Kazar, Anwar, Rahman, Ririn and myself had our buka puasa at Nando's in Camperdown. After that, we had a lepak session in my house till about 2am, singing the birthday song as it was Ririn's 21st, and wishing her happiness all the same.

In the midst of all the laughs and jokes, we had a question for everyone. It was; who would you turn gay for? I know it was so stupid and ridiculous to even begin with, but surprisingly everyone suddenly sat there for a moment, lost in their thoughts, as their minds were busy strutting down to all the popular faces of the world, that they would turn gay for hahahaa! So after about a few minutes of silence and sinister eye-gazing, everyone kinda came out with an answer.

Ok, I'm not gonna mention what everyone says hahaha! But the funny part was when Rahman said that he would turn gay for someone who look like Yamud, yes Yamud, but with a tougher built hahhahahaa! Seriously, I thought that was hilarious. He say Yamud has the manly and macho face, just a small body size hahahhaa!

And me? Hahahha, dengan nada yang sangat yakin, I said I would turn gay for
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... Kaka! Hahahaha!

The victim; Yamud, trying to lick my undies (matilah Ramen jealous huhu) and Kaka ngeh3!

The Movie CINTA featuring MUHAMMAD as PIERRE ANDRE

2007-10-03T13:41:00.000+10:00

For those of you who watched the movie Cinta by Khabir Bakhtiar and cried a bucket over it, will probably understand this entry best. One of the stories encrypted in Cinta was about a girl acted out by Sharifah Amani who left her home far behind to search for the boyfriend that she was deeply in love with. Somewhere along her journey, fate brought her to the presence of a guy, by Pierre Andre, who later helped her to locate her boyfriend, amidst the hustle bustle metropolitan world of the busy Kuala Lumpur. Making a long story short, they eventually fell in love with each other instead, after discovering the deceiving side of Amani's boyfriend. No need to elaborate further, half of you readers probably know the story better than I do.

Anyway, a similar drama is happening to me this time around, and this brought me to the light of feeling-feeling that I am Pierre Andre, and the girl involved (lets just call her Cik Siti) is Sharifah Amani (very the drama sial!).

I knew her through chatting in MSN. My friend in Msia introduced us through MSN (how complicated is that!), and we ended up chatting online for a few days, filling each others' voids (drama lagi!). her stories has it that she has been together with this guy studying in Macquarie University, Sydney for 5 years, and they have been nothing but a happy couple. But recently, he stopped replying her sms-es, or returning her phone calls. Silent treatment yang horror lah senang cerita. This girl was so worried and broken, and being in love, is desperate and willing to go the extra length just to see him in Sydney, and clarify things out (sorry Cik Siti, aku dok bitch pasal kau dalam blog aku). Although I was initially taken aback by such dare, I later agreed to help her, after learning on how desperate and sad she was, and all her did throughout our MSN phone calls was crying.

What makes me feel even more that she resembles Sharifah Amani was the fact that she has soft and somewhat irritating voice, was always complaining on her issues, and somehow managed to reveal to me her weak, dependent, and vulnerable sides. And me being the patient guy that I am, definitely suits the trait of Pierre Andre (drama please). So I helped her out, telling her about the bus systems here in Sydney, listening to her rants on how scared and broken hearted she was, paying fake attentions to her lovesick chronicles, and comforting her every time she needs it. Sometimes she ticked me off too, by being so pessimistic and unprepared to travel 6000 km (ok nak bitch lagi sikit, she told me stuff like; MAD! Visa camne??!!, I tak reti masak tau so camne Mad??, Mad I kene berbuka dengan nasik tau! Mad, I takut nak datang Sydney! or worse; Mad, you jangan kate I gile tau!). Memang kau gile pon Cik Siti.

So after 4 days of virtual interacting, she finally set foot in Sydney on Oct 2nd, I picked her up and brought her to my house. I explained to her that a lot of people has stayed over in my place, so there's no need to feel awkward or whatever. When she asked me: Mad, girlfriend you tak marah ke?...I replied; tak la, dia open minded and tak insecure mcm you. So takyah risau. Yes, I lied saying that I'm taken (Sumpah rase cool gile!).

In the morning of Oct 3rd, the next day, I brought her to the bus stop. I explained to her on how the bus here works, and the important landmarks around the city and Camperdown that she needs to start recognizing. Then the first problem appeared; I wasn't sure on what bus to take to bring her to Macquarie University Village, and that is only natural, since I didn't go there often (how about never?), and all the bus routes in North Sydney are so complicated. So for one hour or so, amidst the tire and thirst of Ramadhan, we walked all the way from Wynyard, than back to Martin's Place, and back to bus and train terminal in Wynyard again to inquire some things, and finally headed to York Street, where all the buses to Epping would stop.

The bus journey was about 70minutes or so, and I sat there, listening to her stories, on how different her boyfriend now is, and how scared to death she is in case the guy in her life has lost that loving feeling. Finally when we reached Macquarie University, somewhere between North Ryde and Epping, we had another drama. The address of her boyfriend's house couldn't be located, and we spent 2.5 hours (150 minutes!) asking around, walking back and forth Balaclava Street, and going into the wrong housing area and such! An Asian guy finally helped us, saying that the house is actually situated on another street, but the official address has been registered differently. Cheit bongok btol la. I wonder how the postman can deliver letters to them.

So in front of the boyfriend's house, I sort of noticed that this Cik Siti is one-quarter crying, and I could see that she was so nervous and anxious to meet the guy, after many months of "abandonment". I rung the bell. No answer. I rung again. Still, no answer. Probably in class? So we sat there, thinking that it's a good idea to wait for him to come back (and by that time, it was already 11 am, panas gile Tuhan je tahu). In the end, another Asian guy came with his shopping bags, and he opened up the front door for us, and both of us dashed to Cik Siti's boyfriend's apartment. We knocked hard, I mean I did, and the guy finally emerged. He was surprised like hell to see Cik Siti, and Cik Siti ni plak dah separuh pengsan tgk lelaki pujaan dia tuh, tak terurus sebab baru bangun tidor kot. We went in, both of them into the guy's room, and I headed to the living room, picking up a TESL book to read, just to kill time.

I kinda eavesdropped (of course I did), and I can tell that the girl spoke a gazillion words, begging for his explanations, or forgiveness, but the guy remained silent, continuing with his chores as if nothing happened. After 20 minutes, the Cik Siti's face memang dah macam nak koma, and lelaki tu boleh diam je, dok buat tak tahu. Bukanla nak cakap aku ni baik sgt, tp kuang ajar la tu kan? Considering how susah payah this girl has been through to see him! After almost one hour, I called Cik Siti out, saying that I need to get back to USyd, and whether she wants to follow or not. Lelaki tu still dok buat muka bodoh, ape problem depa, wallahualam. She said she wants to stay, to just talk to the guy, after months of silent treatment, and whilst she said all that, all I could see was her relentless tears. Although drama, tapi terasa sebak la jgak.

So I left for home, thinking what will happen next, and secretly wishing Cik Siti all the best.

So the difference between us and the original version of the movie Cinta? Well, Pierre Andre fell for Amani in the end, but in my case, I don't fancy myself falling for this girl hahahhahaa I'm evil! Oh yes, another difference, our setting is not in Kuala Lumpur, but in the Harbour City of Sydney!

If I were to be like Andre and fall for her, it's gonna be sooo dramatic, and very Cinderella-ish kot. And that's something I would just you know, pass. In short, very the drama la kan!

So, which version do you prefer? HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!

Terorrist In Camperdown!

2007-09-24T03:54:00.000+10:00

Sorry, I just had to use a sensational title to get all you readers' attention. HeeHeeHee...

Updates for the past week, or so:

We had Iftar at my place, on Friday. It was sort of a potluck thing, and I'm not exaggerating, this is the first time where everyone actually brought something to eat! Kalau tak, sebelum nih, it's either guests just bring a jumbo bottle of Diet Coke, or just burgers for themselves hahahaa! Anyway, we had lots of Malaysian based food, like the murtabak, tom yam, 2 types pasta sauce, 3 types of rice (nasi goreng cina, nasi goreng melayu, nasi goreng mamak sume ade lah) and 3 different cakes, unlimited supply of carbonated drinks, and of course, I brewed my special teh tarik for everyone, which I found out later that everyone actually adores it, and of course they just have to say it was the side resort of my mamak heritage. Whatever.
Lots of nice food, lots of awesome games, and lots of companion. Price I had to pay: Fatigue that swept me away the next day and of course, terburn terawikh. There goes my resolution for a full terawih throughout Ramadhan!

I have been finally selected to go through another interview by Macquarie Bank, and this time, it's the final selection round. Truth be told, I was just so grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to be selected for the final round interview, and to actually convince Mr Marcio Martins what I have to offer Macquarie Bank. Hopefully, I can pull it off tomorrow (Monday 24th Sept), wish me luck friends, I have a feeling I'm gonna need lotsa that.

And of course, I'm still waiting for other offers from a more technical-based company. Luck seem not to be by my side, due to the strings of reject letters that I got from Adco Construct (who stated that they want only Civil Engineering students. Bodo then why the hell did you advertise Mechanical? Slut!), and by KBR, ALCOA Engineering, Evans and Peck, Ausenco Engineering, Woodside, Newcrest (who all claimed thay they need someone of better academic background...fina, bodoh sgt ke aku??). But since I have spent the whole of August applying almost all company that I came accross, I'm yet to hear from some others, like Holden, Thiess, Hatch, Anglocoal and Petronas.

And let's read Al-Fatihah for allahyarhamah Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, who had been safely buried on Friday, Sept the 21st. For those who aren't aware, Jazlin is the latest victim of child rape and abuse case, possibly did by a super-stupid and good for nothing sex maniac, and she eventually died a tragic death. It's only natural for me to be reminded of my little sister, Raihanah, since both of them are of the same age, and suddenly feel very protective of her. The man who committed such heinous crime deserves the heaviest of all punishments, and it is my sincere hope that all of this thing doesn't occur within the country anymore.

And I break my fast at the Malaysian Hall, for today and yesterday. And I misplaced my spectacles, so for today's iftar, I was all blind in the hall. The funny part, Sheera came to me and say, "Mad, this is Fini". And Fini came to me and say "Mad, this is Sheera". Kalau ye pun nak tipu, tukar la suara tu dulu kan? At least miming ke!

Signing out,

Song for the moment: Semangat Perjuangan Harmoni, by XPDC.

All The Small Things (and not by Blink182)

2007-09-18T02:39:00.000+10:00

Some time ago, I took a taxi ride back home from the Dashboard Confessionals concert, at the Sydney Pavillion. It's not that I always took taxi rides back home, thanks to my bad spending habits, as being "broke" would best describes me, perhaps. But it was so late at night, and the bus services terminated about 1 hour before the concert ended, and I know I couldn't really put a price on my safety (maybe you can, but I certainly can't).
In the taxi, I strike a conversation with the taxi driver, being my usual self. Conversing with a taxi driver is what I enjoy doing, and I'm glad I did as a 20 minutes silence is just not my way. Upon reaching Dunblane Street (where I live) and before I purge the 20 dollars note from my wallet, the taxi driver thanked me for being brave enough to talk to him. He said he adores my bravery with strangers, and from our "normal" conversation I had somehow made his day (or rather, dawn hehe).

Needless to say, his compliments has made my day, too. And I remember walking back home, with some sort of a new confidence meniscus, and I secretly thanked him a lot for voicing out his opinions about me.
That it got me nailed to the wall, thinking; have you ever wondered that it's actually not hard at all to make someone's day? And being kind, or nice is actually a lot easier than we ever thought?

I heard this everywhere, being the bad guy is always a lot easier than being the nice one. Hence, you will be rewarded for every good acts, and of course, punish for every demeanor ones. But actually, that's not the case. Simple and small acts like; complimenting the people around you, or sending out a "thank you" note, or flashing your smile to passers by, and simply asking "How are you, hope you're doin' well" are just exactly the way to be nice, and to make people's day. Trust me, it is.
Once, I had a very rough day, and that had caused a really serious anger management issue. But a friend of mine unintentionally made a positive remark to me at the end of the day, and SNAP! Just like that, it somehow made me happy again, and I sort of realized that as bad as this world is, there's always some good in it. Try putting yourself in my shoes; Someone send you a gratification or congratulatory note for your help or achievements, or someone just complimenting your outfit (when you thought the day couldn't get any worse), or your hair (when you thought it's definitely your bad hair day). It's amazing how all this small acts of kindness can make us look the opposite way, and help to restore the positive energy within us right?
I for once thought that giving away compliments shouldn't be done frequently, because eventually, people will be immuned to my words, and my complimentary speech will then lose its value. But as I later discovered, that's not actually the case.
People are never tired of compliments, they may say it, but deep inside, everyone's happy to receive a compliment right? They'll be happy if you say that you appreciate them, even if that happens a bit too often. That's just the basic law of the human nature. So all you have to do is just search inside yourself, and look for it; there's always some things worth being complimented or appreciated. And as long as you're honest, there's nothing wrong or absurd or unethical with it.

As the saying goes, "small acts of kindness makes a long way to the heart".

Oh, Well Well

2007-09-16T01:30:00.000+10:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

So, any volunteer to be my Monica Lewinsky?

2007-09-14T01:50:00.000+10:00

I have done mistakes in the past. In fact, I've done a lot of mistakes, and I mean to say who doesn't? But mistakes will always be mistakes, and if I were really look on the positive side, it's not that bad actually. It's one of the ways where I can grew more insights inside me, as long as I learn from it and buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih.

But I wouldn't say that I'm proud of those faulty moments, and I didn't say that it was my finest hour either. It's just a moment where sometimes I lacked certain important judgment, or I perceived things differently, or simply because I let my emotions over rule my rational mind.

I don't fancy the idea where I have to carry the burden of guilt every time I've committed mistakes, and I certainly can't accept the fact that sometimes, our society doesn't accept people who make mistakes. That's just ridiculous and doesn't make sense. Nobody's perfect, I might as well just get shot thrice for even trying to raise the idea, right?

But there are certain people, whom I just can't understand. To be more specific, I don't understand their mental frame, that tend to not be able to get pass or over with something. You may not fancy a friend because of who he or she is in the past, or because of the things that they have done. But aren't we all smart enough not to equate someone to their pasts? Maybe yes, they have committed a really awful mistake in the past, but aren't we all sinners too? Can't you at least find some room in your heart to forgive? And forget?

I am not pointing fingers, as I myself have some grudges and resentment that I'm not done with. But let's ponder for a while, is it worth the time to actually spend your life hating someone or consuming all your energy just to pinpoint even on their smallest wrongdoings?

Let me,

There were time when all we always thought that our parents are wrong, and we hurt them.

There were time when we lied to a friend, just because we want to save our own selfish ass.

There were time when we hated and labeled someone else, just because they are different from us.

There were time when we got angry with someone for saying things that we didn't want to hear.

And there were also time when all we do is think that we are "right", and laugh at someone else because they are "wrong".

Forgive me, but the way I look at it, we are not any better than they are.

Errands

2007-09-11T15:58:00.001+10:00

I have permanently disabled the direct debit application from my 3 Line bills. So, no more intruders breaking into my account and curik my hard earned cash easily. Hahaha, as if i worked hard earning those $$$.

I have paid the Car Park Fine, that costs me AUD185. I thought of escaping the payment, but the thought of facing the custom at the airport before boarding for Malaysia was beyond scary. So, for once, I have been a good citizen (Australian citizen ke aku??)

And I have submitted the Materials Lab Report!

Next is, enslaving myself for the 3000 words management essay. Ok, don't say "banyaknyeeee!"

Amigos and Amigas

2007-09-06T01:30:00.000+10:00

Sometimes, when things didn't take the right turning as what you'd want, you became frustrated, and up to a point, numb. With my family really far away and all over the place, sometimes I tend to miss them more and sometimes I feel insecure about it, too. This is exactly why I feel thanked to my friends, coz knowing that I have them makes me content inside, and somehow the good memories tend to over shadow the bad ones. Everybody feels like that towards their friends, it's whether they want to admit it or not. So in this very post, I wanna share my gratitude to all the people that has played a part in my life, and also thanking them in advance for the good things I hope to come soon. To all my special friends;

Yamud, Irwan, Redzuan and Komet, these people will always be my best friends, and what makes it more special is the fact that we have constantly helped to build each other for the past 9 years or so. Someone told me the best mirror is an old best friend. So, they are my mirror. I see many of my elements inside them.

Mun, Adli, Falah, Feedo, Rgen, Hanafi, Moja, Dbar, Anwar and the rest of the GZes complete me. They have seen me through my worst days, went road-tripping with me many times and told me things about them that supposedly makes me hate them. But I don't. With them, I know there is strength in numbers, after all.

Mars, Opu, Puyo, Daniel, Amir, Sue, Jubeng are the living instances on how distance may separate us, but not at our hearts. Old friends are gold, the new ones are silvers.

My housemates in Dunblane Street; Joe, Kazar and Yus are the ones that kept me occupied over the years, have seen the real me without any judgings, and has seen the ugly side I possess, but they take it with an open mind. With them, I understand the concept of tolerance very well, and I'm proud to announce that we are made to be housemates!

Yani, Rahman, Dirah are those I regard as my siblings here. I have promised myself to keep them for life, and I am always appreciating them, maybe I just don't show it. They remind me to stay happy, and they are brave enough to correct me. They stayed late until the wee hours just to keep me company, and they expect nothing out of me. I just don't know what else to ask for. I may not leave Sydney with a first class degree, but remembering these 3 makes it all worth it!

Jimin will always be my partner in crime. You're the best man!

Arizal, Nora, Hisyam and Zah added colours to my black and white memories of Sunway days, with them, I understand that as bad as things may appear, there's always a bright side to it. You just have to keep looking for it.

Anept, Jaih and Mohaz are the people that I have no common ground with at all, but they still played huge roles in my life. With them, I have learned a lot of different perspectives, and I can see the things that I didn't know that I missed. I am inspired by so many things about them, but of course they didn't know because I didn't tell them hahaha! Plus, being "housemates" with them for a full semester was a blast, and I'd rate that as one of the best memory in Sydney!

Erin would be the person I enjoyed being with, no matter what. Not many people has the ability to make me want to hang out with them all the time, but goodness gracious, Erin has. Whether she's happy, excited, confused, angry or sad, I just love being with her, and Erin will always be Erin.

Yaya is one strong chick, and she doesn't quite know that she is special to sooo many people. And she is! I admire her views of life, and how she is constantly trying to handle things around her, come what may. Her talks dazzle me, and of all my friends, she symbolizes the character of a lady who has been through a lot, but still hasn't fallen apart. And I think she won't.

The rest of the Lambaian Family and NZ Trip 07 (esp Dewi, Pojoe, Anep and Hana) has carved something inside me too. Days with them are the best of all, and when it comes to all of them, I hate the saying "All good things come to and end".

Izwan and Alan are the 2 figures that I looked up to. One is quiet, but full of substances. And one is hyper, full of energy and always positive. Their maturity is what I admire, and their traits of being an all rounder is what I respect.

Sheera, Jams, Nik Arif, Hawa and May makes the 10.8 dollars bus ride to Barkers worth it.

Salina will always be my best platonic love girl.

And Beyh will be the virtue of me once chasing something I couldn't get, and someone I longed to spend time with, but God just doesn't permit it. There's a lesson to that, thanks. Seriously.

And the many people and friends whom I have met through my journeys of ups and downs, Thank You! Gracias! Merci! Terima Kasih! I may have forgotten to script your name here, but everyone means a lot, and thanks also for always inspiring me. In fact, that's the primary reason why I choose to stay with all of you!

Signing out....

Yeayness

2007-09-04T12:20:00.000+10:00

I went to the interview for Macquarie's Bank internship program yesterday (3rd September), and I thought maybe I should just be an intern in Malaysia. I don't think I can carry or go through any more interviews with any Australian companies.

But I received a call around 11.50 am this morning, they said I've made it to the second round of selection! weeeeeee!!!! ALHAMDULILLAH...

And I still have the Macquarie's Building visitors pass with me muehehehehee!

I Have A Question!!

2007-08-30T15:54:00.000+10:00

So far, mostly out of everything, I wanna be a good person. Or probably a nice guy with renowned hint of integrity. I once heard this somewhere; "Life is short, so try to have fun. But most importantly, be good to others". Now, I heard that inside my head all the time.

But how do you characterize yourself as being "good" or "nice"? And how good is good, or how nice is nice or how kind is kind etc.

I know all these sound so irrelevant, and it only shows the huge lopsided blunders I possess within my skull. But still....

So I lived my life the way I think I'm supposed to, in order to be good to others, and in the same time, having myself indulged in some fun stuff;

I told myself to constantly look at the good side of people (although it's a struggle sometimes).

I told myself to always lend a helping hand.

I told myself if it's okay with me for that particular moment, give way to others, and let them have things their way. There's no use with always wanting things your way because that eventually will turn me into one selfish bastard.

I told myself to run the extra miles for other people, with the condition; if it doesn't intervene with matters that are really important to me.

I told myself to lower down my ego, and try to professionally cater their ego, as fire meets fire is just not my way.

I told myself to say my sorries if I ever offend them, no matter how small, up to a point my sorries are just another pragmatic, means-nothing form of speech.

I told myself all these when I was 15 or so, because at that time, I perceived all these doings as "Me being a good person".

And now, it sort of has became a set of traits and habits that I tend to carry around wherever I go.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint, or I'm some sort of a holy creation of God and all I do is pour your sour farms with water so that they grow fruits. But I want to actually make a point here.

There were many times when some people, who I perceived as being disrespectful to me (and mind you, I give you my respect all that I can, and in turn I deserve yours), or treat me as if I'm a harmless joke and always feeling vulnerable, or thinking you can order me around just because I don't know how to even raise my voice (or you think I don't have the guts too), or probably called me at odd hours just to make me feel as if I'm useless and irresponsible, or even channel all their anger towards me because you take me for granted, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY;

You had better keep all your act together, or else you will unleash demons within me that you do not wanna meet. Need I remind all these people that I am actually doing you a FAVOUR?? Need I remind you, that I look at you as a friend, hence I give you all the controlling powers JUST to assist you in completing your tasks? If you want perfection from me, then show me your perfect sides first! Impossible, right? We are all flawed, have limited time and have our own agenda so the least you can do is not to give public display of your unorganized minds, and try to note the line that draws the separation of you being in public, or you being in your own bathroom!

I can do things that will make your head spin, in fact I know how to manipulate it so that the damages are tripled! I just don't feel like doing it, as all these people are my friend, but if you ever cross the line again, and treat me as if I'm not your equal, so help me, I will do it.

And this includes everything that has happened throughout my whole life here in Sydney. Probably you can at least learn how to say "Thank You!".

Trust Me, You Are Not That Real...

2007-08-25T07:51:00.000+10:00

You said you were real,
But you walked around with your nails painted in black,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you were disgusted by the outdated fabrics of my clothes,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you applied make ups to obscure the flaws of your skin,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you whined about that pores and zits on your face,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you cheated in the exams and earned a false mark,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you put on your cap to hide the truth of your unruly hair,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you judged others after a quick 5-minutes encounter,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you contemplated on the colour of your irises every time you looked into the mirror,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you hung meaningless pictures on the wall to cover the stain behind it,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you flashed your artificial smiles to the world,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you told others only what they want to hear,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you didn't speak of the truth because you were afraid,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you pointed fingers to cover your fallacies,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you stuffed all your leftovers in the spare luggages,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you talked about others thinking they wouldn't hear you,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you locked your storeroom to conceal the mayhem within,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

You said you were real,
But you lived in denial,
So tell me again,
What is so real about you?

For the last time,
You said you were real,
But you are now involved the in the world's worst deception,
And that makes you,
The most unreal of all kinds...

Trust me, you're not that real...

thank you!